Doubt and fear, fear and doubt.
I felt myself spiraling into what can only be considered a mild to moderate deep dark depression lately. Maybe it's just woman-y things or the winter that won't end over here.
I found myself praying for help- really praying for the first time in a while. You see, I've bit a bit irritated with God lately, for reasons I won't get into now, but He still is good.
It lifted and I felt His warmness again.
A friend of mine said once that instead of shutting the enemy out at first sight I am sitting down and having tea with him, discussing at great length all the accusations he has to tell the Father about me. She's right.
I'm forgetting to think upon the lovely things. The things that are good and lovely and wonderful. Shine light in the darkness and it flees. The darkness cannot completely snuff out the light, but light chases the darkness away immediately. I'mforgetting being too lazy to pray, to remember His goodness to me, His promises. I've been jaded and surly and downright pouty about a lot of things.
It snuck up and I didn't even realize it.
FAITH! I had it, have it, will have it. Despair and hopelessness cannot take it away permanently. It may seem far off, but the Spirit never is, it's just what we are giving our attention to.
So here's to giving our attention to things that deserve it.
Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
I felt myself spiraling into what can only be considered a mild to moderate deep dark depression lately. Maybe it's just woman-y things or the winter that won't end over here.
I found myself praying for help- really praying for the first time in a while. You see, I've bit a bit irritated with God lately, for reasons I won't get into now, but He still is good.
It lifted and I felt His warmness again.
A friend of mine said once that instead of shutting the enemy out at first sight I am sitting down and having tea with him, discussing at great length all the accusations he has to tell the Father about me. She's right.
I'm forgetting to think upon the lovely things. The things that are good and lovely and wonderful. Shine light in the darkness and it flees. The darkness cannot completely snuff out the light, but light chases the darkness away immediately. I'm
It snuck up and I didn't even realize it.
FAITH! I had it, have it, will have it. Despair and hopelessness cannot take it away permanently. It may seem far off, but the Spirit never is, it's just what we are giving our attention to.
So here's to giving our attention to things that deserve it.
Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
Hi Ma,
ReplyDeleteRecently I came across this:
Eze 9:4 And the LORD said unto him, Go through the midst of the city, through the midst of Jerusalem, and set a mark upon the foreheads of the men that sigh and that cry for all the abominations that be done in the midst thereof.
which reminded me of:
Rev 7:3 Saying, Hurt not the earth, neither the sea, nor the trees, till we have sealed the servants of our God in their foreheads.
Jesus said this, knowing that the disciples, even Peter, would forsake Him:
Joh 16:32 Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.
Joh 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
Peter who adamantly said he would never forsake the Lord went so far as to deny Him 3 times. But we rely on God's goodness, not our own. :) His goodness is what gets us through, and remembering that He is all powerful (not us).
This world's sins and torments will cause us to doubt, and to sigh, but the world enjoys those troubling things. That is one of the "symptoms" that shows we are His. The world doesn't care about doubts, and the sins of this world they don't see as evil.
The world will continue to grow more and more wicked until the Lord puts a stop to it, but He has us right where He wants us, and it is His goodness, not our own, that saves us.
<3
It is interesting how much Ezekiel and Revelation have in common. I know that He won't forsake us and it has been evident to me that He lets us throw our temper tantrums, too, like a father and is waiting for us to come home.
DeleteDear Jesus, when you fed the crowd in the desert, You wished to gather up the fragments, lest anything be lost. As Ma wanders through a desert, and darkness of her own, I ask You to gather up the fragments of this shattered being, lest anything be lost. Through the prophet, Joel, You promise to restore the years that the locusts have eaten. I ask you, lay Your hands gently on Ma's weary head, and restore her. Let Your face shine upon her, and give her back the peace, and the joy that has been lost.
ReplyDeleteAmen
Thank you Denise for your prayer. That was very beautiful.
DeleteHi Ma,
ReplyDeleteJames 4:7
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
If you notice the first part of this verse it says to submit to God. We need to submit to Father's ways first and then resist the devil and he will leave. Obedience to Father is what we need to do and that can be hard when we are in the habit of following our self. :s
What are Father's ways? The two commandments lay it all out for us, to honour God and put Him first, then love our neighbours as ourselves.
We need faith, yes, then we need to be obedient to the Word of God. When we are obedient to Father by praying, turning the other cheek, He will reward us in ways that we could never dream of.
Lifting you up Ma and walking with you. :)
<><
Thank you Child of God, and you are right, I didn't purposely leave out the submitting to God part of the verse, I take that as a given. But then again, maybe it was somehow intentional on some level. I've been a little bit not on speaking terms with Him as of late. He showed me yesterday that His door is still open. To which I am grateful and as He deals with me I know things will get better.
DeleteHi Ma I believe that you didn't purposely leave the 'submit' part out. This is a lesson the Lord has really been hammering home to me. Everywhere in Scripture, the 'submit' thing is jumping off the page at me. This is key to having the blessings of the Lord poured out on us. We need to repent of our ways, laying our heart open to the Lord. After all He already knows our heart, He just wants us to acknowledge it to Him. He desires for us to obey Him. It is in the obedience to His Word that the rest follows. I am reading through the Bible in a year and so far I am in Joshua and ever single book before this one has been magnified to me obedience. Father wants obedience to His law which for us is the two commandments pointed out in Matthew. Loving God with our whole heart, mind and soul and keeping Him first in our lives and then loving our neighbour as ourselves.
DeleteThis is a direct attack from Satan on people and that is do not obey but rebel instead. You and I grew up in a very rebellious time and it is just getting worse. :(
Father's door is always opened to us, praise God!! He is so loving and forgiving it blows me away.
Things will get better hon, just keep your eyes on Jesus, trust in Him and continue to walk towards Him.
:)
<><
I'm reading through the bible and in Joshua right now as well. I am more on the three year plan, though. Thanks for your encouragement:)
DeleteReminded of that verse that speaks to hope deferred and how it can make us sick on the inside. I sometimes think that a sick heart is another way to describe depression.
ReplyDeleteDepression is a pretty normal experience when things are bad and no hope is in sight. I think that sharing it the way that you have done here is a healthy way to deal with it.
Here is an excerpt from my 2006 post on the subject:
"I wish that I wasn't so familiar with depression. Honestly, family events have devastated me over the years. Family life has often been brutal since my first wife's heart failure in 1990 and her death in 1994. Watching my son and daughter struggle with their mother's death has probably been the hardest and most depressing of all things in my life. I started experiencing health problems in 1999 that severely limited my ability to walk and exercise. In 2002 my beautiful wife Ann was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Life has been hard.
In all this I have had to change and change has not come easy for me ... needing to change has been cause for depression ... giving up on my life goals has brought darkness ... it has not been easy for this onetime fundamentalist. I have found, and I continue to find, that life can only be found in the Lord."
You really have been through so much Bob, and it's NOT fair and you probably have felt like that many times. I guess I'm asking the questions that have no good answers but that He does what He wants when He wants.
DeleteThat used to be good enough for me and hopefully will be again.
I didn't mean to complain here btw, I just really saw His hand yesterday when I made the slightest effort and it was encouraging. That is what I want to be- encouraging. I find that the fact that you still retain faith after all that life has thrown at you to be very encouraging.
I am okay with life not being fair Ma. Sort of! :)
DeleteI really do not see it as God doing anything Ma. He has ceded sovereignty to governments and individuals which has caused a boatload of problems since Eden. That said, I cannot envision a better way.
And I did not see your post as complaining. I find such venting to be very therapeutic (and encouraging) at times. :)
I am glad you realize all these things, and you are now on the right path!!!! Who would not be depressed in the long winter that goes in to spring? Blessings to you, my friend.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ginny. It's starting to melt now (the snow) so maybe winter is finally over.
DeleteThe past two weeks, I have been in the same boat. Fighting depression and despair, even though we have had some major victories in our situation. It seems I win one battle, and two more replace it. But God is there and He is holding my hand and waiting for me to turn to Him and press in so I can recieve the blessings He has for me. I pray the same thing for you! The Spirit is moving and working in your life. God be praised!!!
ReplyDeleteWinning one and having two replace it, I can understand that. I wish things were just easy and happy all the time you know? I guess that would be pretty boring, though. Thanks for your encouragement.
DeleteBig hug for you from here! Jesus is always the same! Even in darks nights.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jedidja, that is something I need to hear.
DeleteBig hug from my corner of the world as well. We seem to be cut from the same cloth. I am learning (although I still can't quite wrap my head around it) that God will not and has not changed His love for us - that it is His goodness that counts - His goodness that sustains us - His goodness that showers us with grace after grace after grace even though we don't deserve it. The battle is fierce but the victory is sure. It was won at the cross. Sometimes it's all we have to cling to, but it's enough - more than enough. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteThe battle is fierce but the victory is sure.
DeleteYou said it:) Thanks Petra!