Well, I Lost It...

"

I quit my job at Outback Steakhouse on July 13. My daughter quit on July 12. That place is whack. I've never seen such a shitshow in my entire life, especially the last year or so.

Servers doing NOTHING
Managers don't give AF
Manipulation and Favoritism


BUT

For me, the last straw was when I realized that I would rather die than go to that hellhole and my 15 year old son remarked


"Just don't go..."


For some reason on that Friday afternoon on July 12, it resonated with me. I started mentally calculating how much I had in savings and how long I could not work. It was settled.



MIRACLE!!!


More details to follow....

Hello World 2019

I've had the flu since Christmas Day. This has without question been 2 of the worst, challenging, depressing, and painful weeks that I can ever remember. I had all these wonderful plans for Christmas Day: video games, board games, pizza, eating, drinking, merriment. Instead, I spent the next several days bedridden and missing work, fun, life, everything.

So, as I try to make it back into the land of the living, I just wanted to show off the fam. This was taken by my sister in law on the week before Christmas at my in-laws. 

Back row: Dan 13, Nick 17, Tim 15, Me (ageless), Rachel, 19
Front Row: Steve, 11, Joe (ageless, but younger), Leah 10







And here we have Rachel and her boyfriend, Nick.




And now it's time to try to get back to life....


Happy New Year!!

The Joys of Customer Service

Rachel (who works carry out where I bar-tend) drew this Monday night:

Paying with change?

Do: I realize this is an enormous inconvenience, so I will be patient.

Don't: Throw change on the counter

Living the Dream

It's been an extraordinarily busy time for me lately, but good busy as compared to last year's busy. I HATED having the kids in public school, so the journey back to homeschooling has been very comforting. We are doing more real life learning and less curriculum driven learning. It is exciting and I'm amazed all the time with the interests and talents of each and every one of them.

The housework suffers, but I tell myself that someday they will all be gone and the house will be clean. It has occurred to me lately how time flies and how my life now doesn't look anything like what I thought it would look like a few years ago. (I figured we'd all be raptured by now;).


And I work...A LOT. What was supposed to be a very very part time job to help makes ends meet is now a pretty much full time gig. I've picked up a few bar-tending shifts as well and am finding that to be challenging, but fun. The money is nice and it is nice to not have to scrape and scrimp all the time. Although I do wonder if the hours at work vs. home are a bit out of whack. I am so grateful that the kids aren't in school, so I can spend my days with them. Some days it kind of feels like I'm really living the dream (sarcastically) and other days it feels like I'm living the dream honestly and I'm the luckiest woman alive. I don't get to see my husband much, though, and that is a problem. I hope for some more balance in that area.


Thinking back on the faith, I find that my heart-brokenness about it all seems to be settling down. Life does go on. I'm not quite sure what to do with that, but it is something.

School 2016-17

I decided to start school this year with the kids after Labor Day. So far, it's been very relaxed and I'm sure not stressing out about anything. Last year was a nightmare and now I feel that seeing the other side of things, I'll go back to taking charge of it myself.

I gets lots of questions though from people at work, family, acquaintances about testing, grades, diplomas and the like. I know that it must be very strange for people in the system to imagine life outside it, but we've been outside it much more than in, so I don't find the things that others are concerned about as being something of concern. I'm very attracted to relaxed/ unschooling/ self-directed learning philosophy. But for now, it's the basics, lots of reading, curiosity and doing what we love. 

It feels right.

My two oldest now have their learner's permits and it's nice to see them growing up. They are good kids, they've had the freedom to figure life out on their own for the last few years. I've been able to throw off the fear of them going to hell for not believing the right things and they can be who they are without coercion.

I want them to be free, especially in their own mind. 

My Boys

It makes me smile.


(The radio is set at Q95, our local classic rock station.)

2. . .

A photo posted by 11aliceg95 (@11aliceg95) on May 26, 2016 at 4:48am PDT

Talent

My daughter drew this for me :)

A photo posted by 11aliceg95 (@11aliceg95) on Jun 24, 2015 at 2:02pm PDT

Here's Another Clue for you All

Dad and 8 year old talking about the Walrus (as it was told to me).






Dad: "The Walrus was Paul"

Son: "No the Walrus was John"

Dad: "No, the Walrus was Paul, John said so."

Son: "Yes, but John also said I am the Walrus"

Lessons in World Religions

My third grader is taking a pretty interesting and in my opinion quite well rounded world history course. We've been learning about the Ottoman and Mughal empires and how the three major religions in Europe, Asia Minor and India dealt with each other.


He was having some trouble distinguishing between the three, so I Googled some images from Hinduism to give him something visual to tie with it.


He chose the "meditating elephant" (his words) to use as his reminder.

trippy

He remembered the crescent and cross symbols of Islam, but wanted to know what Allah looks like. I said there is no images of Allah, so we went with drawing a flag.



When I asked him about the symbol of Christianity, he couldn't come up with anything, so I had to point out the cross that still adorns our living room wall. My husband made it for us as young marrieds.


What has been so nice about teaching history this time around is that I don't have to stop and disclaim and explain why our religion is the right one. I can just teach the facts about them all without defense. It is is favorite class right now, and although he is struggling in other areas, his interest for the different things of this world is very refreshing.

The Devil's Holiday

It's that time of year again.

I love the fall, at least the still warm and the leaves are still turning pretty colors part of early fall. It seems somehow magical.  I don't much like the rainy, drizzly, here comes winter part of late fall, but it's still early.


Hubby has always hated the fall. He says there is evil, death in the air. Everything is dying.


I guess I never really had thought of it that way. When we were kids, it was time for the school's fall festival, caramel apples, getting to wear our Halloween costumes to school, and lots and lots of candy.


My kiddos have always had a pretty lame Halloween, especially during the times when I was really uneasy about "celebrating" it or any other holiday for that matter (even Christmas- see: Saturnalia). The only safe one was Easter, but please don't call it that.


I have a new found apprecation for the holidays now (any and all) outside of religious trappings. Halloween, dying and death- but going out with a bang. Staving off evil spirits that would take our souls with costumes and scary pumpkins and such. I can totally see how we invented all this. The winter holidays, the lights and decorations, the hushness and solemnity of nature dormant for a time. And then spring! Resurrection- all is new again in the cycle of death and rebirth.



I still don't like the idea of the kids roaming the neighborhoods around here to trick or treat, although I'm no longer against it in theory- it's just not the best neighborhood. They always go to our immediate neighbor's house and the grandparents spoil them as well, so they aren't missing much. I'll probably buy some over-priced candy myself for them and we'll have our little thing.


I see all the churches 'round doing their non-Halloween version of Halloween, too. As long as there is candy, the kiddos won't care what you call it.

Insanely Busy

I have so wanted to sit down and write, but the ideas have been few (at least not good) and man have I been busy.


Getting kids off and or running them to school
Teaching
Cleaning
Shopping
Homework
Figuring out something for supper
Work
Sleep
Repeat

Day after day.


The money has been much better lately as we are coming out of our slow season at the restaurant. I've had a very good couple of weeks and I could certainly get used to this.


Our washer decided to go nuts a couple of weeks back which led me to having to haul everything to the laundromat twice. Goodness! I think back to the days when I would have whipped out my homemade laundry detergent, filled up the tub and washed by hand, but that was another time indeed. Hubby was able to fix it after a few troubleshooting errors, we finally got to the problem.



I had a table last night where the mom and dad were wearing some kind of Bible quiz T-shirts. I wonder if I could still recount my vast knowledge of the good book? They tipped well, although were not especially friendly.


I went to my first parent teacher conferences ever last week. The kids are doing well and the teachers all were very nice. I felt a connection with my daughter's kindergarten teacher especially, probably about 10 years my senior, I suppose. She's been teaching a long time and it was a refreshing contrast to the nervous newness of the other two, who were both only a couple of years into this. I found out that she bartends on the weekends, so she's instantly my buddy by way of being in the biz :)

She had this hanging outside her classroom:

I love that.

The Other Side

Natalie was talking about one of her kids being sick the other night at work with me and Cameron the bartender.

"Alice, you have a bunch of kids, how many again?"

"Six."

"I would shoot myself in the head."

We all laughed because of the way she said it and I know she wouldn't, but I know what she meant.




It's a great deal different than the reaction in the Christian world where each child is a gift and in some circles, more is better. We weren't particurally religious when our first was born, but then became Catholics and the family planning aspect of our marriage was now none of our concern. Children are a blessing, God will make a way, and you best not fool with it.


I honestly don't know how it would have played out had we actually thought about what we were doing and what this was going to look like in the long run. We have been overwhelmingly lucky in the fact that all our kids are healthy and normal. There have been many along the way that have helped us and gifted us with money and resources, but there will be no way we can provide cars, college, or any other major things to them since there are so many. I feel very guilty sometimes about that.


On the other hand, I wouldn't want any of them to have not come into our lives, so we just do the best we can and know that they really do have it pretty good.



As the school year continues and I see how well they are adjusting, it is amazing to me how we ever did things any differently. It's as if we've really started a new life.

The Renaissance

As much as my very uninterested third grader is not getting out of it, I am. The hybrid school that Danny is enrolled in has me doing all the history here at home during the first three days of the week. We are starting the year off briefly glimpsing the Middle (Dark) Ages in order to see the events that led up to the Renaissance.


We read about a very early humanist and the idea that there is something great in all of us and we can achieve good things.


I do believe hundreds of years from now our time will be known as a wonderful turning point as well in the evolution of mankind. We have just so much information and so many wonderful things that we can do. Who knows what's next? It's as if we are in the beginning stages of a Renaissance of our own.

The Creation of the Internet :P

Now it's just trying to find a way to get my little student intersted in the history course. 

Very Early Thoughts on the School Year so Far

My oldest two are doing 100% online public school. They are both doing well, my son loves the structure it gives him (he's a workaholic) and my daughter (the opposite of the former) has been doing her best to self-motivate and get her stuff done. What has really been wonderful is that she had the opportuinity to take Japanese this fall and she is loving it. She's already a huge fan of all things Japan, so I think this is going to be super fun for her even if is IS just for fun in the long run. They are in the 8th and 9th grades.

Hatsune Miku (and a Creeper)

My fourth born is in the hybrid program, where he schools here three days a week and then goes to a learning center two days. It has been great for easing him into being away from me. He is super clingy and the independence from me is much needed. He was the only one that I cried about leaving that first day, but his school is very small, laid back, and the kids seem to have all come from homeschool situations, so he is very much with his own kind. The only drawbacks I see so far in this is that there is no transportation provided, so one would have to be in a postition to do that and that I have to be pretty involved in teaching him the three days he is here, but so far I have enjoyed it. All the materials are provided and there is a lot of support available from his teacher and other parents. He is in the third grade.



The other three (grades 4, 1, and K) are attending the brick and mortar Marion County public school. Little Miss and Mr. have been doing well and enjoy their day, but they are really starting from scratch. My older boy is having some difficulty academically as well as some trouble with mean kids.  We've had to tell him that he's going to have to stand up for himself. I worry that the situation with the kids will hinder his progress in learning and make him dread school. I do not want that. I plan to monitor the situation closely and after parent-teacher confrences in a few weeks, have a better idea of what is really going on.


This year is highly experimental and things are always open to change. So far I have been more impressed with the hybrid than anything else, but time will tell.

The Bus and Bread

I didn't really want my kids to have to ride the bus. We live just about a mile from the school and I figured it would be easier on everyone if I just took them. I did find that due to the fact that I can't be in two places 8 miles apart at once, this would not be an option. So yesterday morning I witnessed something that I truly thought I never would. I watched three of my kids get onto a pubilc school bus.


It was surreal, empowering, bittersweet. I know that this is completely normal, but it wasn't going to be us. We had a mission, a calling, a duty to do things differently. Well, stuff happens and we find out that we are like everyone else. It's okay, just not what we spent the last several years doing with our lives. I was glad when they got home running up the driveway and smiling from ear to ear. They really are loving it so far and I hope they will continue to. The older two are a bit behind academically (remember- we weren't all supposed to be here much longer- the End and all), but they are making friends and are bringing home very good conduct reports each night.

We have been in the slow season at work for the last few weeks. I guess there usually is a lull during summer when people are doing outdoor things. This last weekend was especially bad and by Sunday night I had pretty much lost my faith in humanity. We ran out of the complimentary bread that we give out and since that is clearly my fault, the tips on the very few tables I did have suffered. Last night was much better and like things always do, they even out. Still not a good money night, but at least no one was verbally abusive or completely mean to me-all that went down last week. So I had a two-top that I really didn't expect a good tip out of, but I put on my happy face and tried to enjoy the art of serving. To my surprise the tip was fair and as they left one stopped to tell me I was a very good waitress. I really needed to hear that.


Speaking of bread, I think I may be ready to let my sourdough starter go. I haven't baked any bread for several weeks and it gets old having to feed it every third day. Plus, the hubby and I are trying to cut calories and fresh homemade bread and butter every day surely is not a good idea. Maybe it's time to hang up the baking hat for awhile.

It's Happening

So this was the first week of public school for three of my six. All in all I don't think it could have gone any better. Everyone seems to be having a good time and making friends and no one is begging me not to go (yet). Of course it is the first week, so there hasn't been much in the way of homework, so it will be interesting to see how much or little they end up with when it really gets going.



I have another starting a hybrid school next week and I will be glad. He is so bored right now so we've been trying to keep busy running errands and such. The older two will be doing online only classes in a couple of weeks, but I need to find some activities for them. All this with me working five nights a week or so has kept me pretty busy.

My comic relief artist at it again...on my paper plates.

 I feel like I'm just running on part terrorized adrenaline mixed with pure determination with a large helping of regret and guilt and a pinch of cautious optimism and a garnish of hope. I have no way of knowing how all this will turn out, but I am feeling much better now that it has not yet been a huge disaster. I think of last year at this time, when none of this was even on the radar. I had just lost my faith and step by step, I've had to rethink everything and schooling was a huge part of that. I can't believe how many things have changed.


So us homebodies are off to market, to spend my woman-earned money on household supplies.




And here's some awesome video game metal.

Have a great weekend!!

Lying

Why is it that lying just comes so naturally to little ones? Before, I saw it as clear and concrete evidence of the totally depravity that I believed was inherent in the human race. But if that is the case, why are most little kids so loving and compassionate when it comes to other things like animals, friends, siblings, parents.


Case in point: my five year old spent a couple of nights with her grandmother and her cousin who is two years her junior. The reason for this sleepover was that my sister was in the hospital having a baby. My mom told me how my daughter acted as a big sister to her cousin, helped her to the bathroom at night, and comforted her when she got homesick. It must have been very cute.

However, she's taking to lying lately.


We've had two occasions of it in the last month and both times the lying seemed to serve as a self-preservation mechanism. A broken doll and a broken razor were found, I knew darn well she was the offender and she denied it completely.


After telling her I knew she did it and asking her why she lied about it, she said she lied because she was scared. I sat her down and explained that lying was way worse than breaking something in terms of getting in trouble. I told her that she's allowed to make mistakes, but not allowed to lie and that big girls take responsibility for their actions. After the second talk I told her I expected this from now on.


Her big sister also told her that things can be replaced, but if you lie all the time no one will believe anything you say.




We'll see how it goes next time.

A Lunch Conversation

"You should never break the portal when you're in the Nether. That's a horrible, horrible idea."

(Sage Minecraftian wisdom passed down from the elder child to her young brother.)

A New Kind of Sunday

2:00 P.M.

"Alice, can you take a seven-top on 111*?" 

This was after being double seated in my own section. We were short staffed and everyone was getting more tables than they were happy with. There was no one else to take it. As the hostess took the drink order I accepted that this was going to have to happen.

Okay, don't panic...


This was the first time I was really in the weeds since starting here but I somehow managed to not completely freak out.


Fine, two 2s and a 7, I can do this as long as they don't seat my other table.


I look over at the other table in my 3 table section and see seven people there (this is not the first seven mind you, but another).


The next few hours were a blur of triple seating goodness until the end of the night.


But the money was good.


I get home and see this nice surprise note for me.

And it was...clean.

I'm sure she had some personal motive for such, but I think in a way they miss me and appreciate the things I do around here more.

I watch one Netflix show with my hubby and get a quick bite to eat and sleep a very sleepy sleep.


It was a good day:)






*all table and co worker names will always be completely made up:)

Joining the World

Man, I know I've said this before, but this winter.....

 is just not stopping.  I feel like I'm in a bit of a limbo, lazy, foggy, uninspired.


I am way way way behind on the kids' checkups and shots. I was hugely afraid of vaccinations totally buying all the negative stuff the web had to say. Not that it was 100% wrong, I just don't know.  It was a huge struggle for me to know what to do. I wanted to do what was best for the kids, I still do, it's just now what I think is best has taken a 180. So the next several months will be filled with many appointments. We went to the first one yesterday and it could not have gone better. Fear is the worst most paralyzing thing, and I'm glad I don't have much of it anymore.




Why did I think the kids' didn't need medical intervention most of the time? Why did I have the last two at home? Because I was afraid. I was afraid of doctors and drugs the new world order and all that stuff. I was separate, "called out," special. Call me naive or just too rigid, but isn't that what a faith filled follower is supposed to do? God has promised answered prayer, and even if things had gone badly, that was His will, too, so I guess it really didn't matter. I was to trust Him in all things. I shudder at all the things that could have gone wrong. What other people would have seen as just plain carelessness and stupidity, I saw as surrender and obedience.



Once after we left the Catholic church, my son got pink eye. We prayed, and it seemed to have gone away...except it didn't. We claimed his healing, thanked God as a family, all that, but it still continued. I looked up into the cabinet and found a bottle of Tobramycin eye drops that he had used before and I heard the voice say "there is your answer." I told my husband and he was less than impressed, but excuses were made and we got our answer to prayer.




It's interesting how much differently I see people now. Once I was chosen, saved, not of this world and now I can just be part of it. I don't fear for people,worry about them being on the wrong "side", or pity their lost souls anymore. I can be a human unapologetically and let others do the same.