A New Life

My sister had a baby boy yesterday. Being as she doesn't live close by, I had to check in with my mom via texts all afternoon. Pacing about the house as I felt my updates weren't coming through quickly enough, I just wanted her and the baby to be okay. It's really hard waiting for someone you love to have a baby and this (her third) was no exception.


Mom and baby are well.


I remember the first and the second, too. Hoping and praying that they and she would come through it all okay. I know bad things happen.


I think back to my last child and the decision to have her at home. How crazy it must have seemed to those who knew that I had hemorrhaged pretty badly with the previous home-birth.  What was I thinking?


I bled very badly with her, too, and almost ended up in the hospital anyway. She was fine, but I had lost more blood than the midwives would have liked. They told me if I couldn't get up and walk on my own, we would have to go and by sheer will, walk I did. I was not going to the hospital. I don't know what I was afraid of, but I was. It took me two weeks to recover from that and I remember after my fourth baby (a hospital birth) getting up and walking around an hour later as if nothing had happened.


Medical advancements ain't so bad.



I'm thankful that my sister is in a good hospital with good care. And I can't wait to hold my new nephew.

Being True to Yourself....At what Cost?

I was reading the usual blogs I read the other day and I came across a reference to Giordano Bruno. Not knowing who that was, I naturally right clicked the name to search in a new tab and landed on the Wikipedia page.


From Wikipedia:

Beginning in 1593, Bruno was tried for heresy by the Roman Inquisition on charges including denial of the Trinity, denial of the divinity of Christ, denial of virginity of Mary, and denial of Transubstantiation. The Inquisition found him guilty, and in 1600 he was burned at the stake.

Yes indeed, the representatives of Christ on Earth at their finest. People of religion are impressed and awed by their martyrs as I was as well. Jan Hus was my favorite. I'm finding now though that it is not just religious people who are willing to die for what they believe in. I guess that pretty much does it for the who-would-die-for-a-lie apologetic.


I wonder what it is about us as humans that makes it so very difficult to live against our own convictions, or even pretend to. I know the sickening feelings I used to get toward the end, getting ready to go to church. I was fighting against my own self.  I could have gone on, kept the peace, played along and no one would have known. But I would have known and it tore me up little by little.


Once again I am reminded to be thankful that I don't have to live a lie or pretend to be something that I am not in order to keep from being executed. My hurt feelings over those who just don't understand are nothing really in comparison (sticks and stones). Sure, words hurt. Having your integrity brushed aside as non existent is painful, but not deadly.


It truly is wonderful that we have progressed to the point where we can, believer or non believer, speak our peace and be true to our own convictions.  We really do have it made. 

Love, Love, Love

There was a time in our early married years when I would have gotten all huffy if my hubby hadn't tried to do something for Valentine's Day. Now that I wouldn't get upset about it, he does. Maybe it is that we have both grown, me not being such a pain about the little things (like him not being able to read my mind), and him appreciating me more.

My Valentine's Day flowers

I waited on a man on Valentines's Day who had recently lost his wife. As we get older the possibility of that happening increases year by year, but no one ever knows when their time is up.





I get irritated with the kids, too. The other night I  had a family at a table whose only child had a physical/mental handicap and I don't know how I got so fortunate as to have all healthy children.

Miss Lady

This winter has been so awful, but as it starts to melt outside, I feel more energized. I'm excited about the future and will try to remember to count my blessings.

Throwing snow with the neighbor

Thanksgiving

Last year at this time we broke tradition for Thanksgiving.


We always go to my husband's side of the family's Thanksgiving gathering. It is a big Catholic extended family event with lots of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, grand kids, great grandparents, great grand kids, dogs, food, wine, beer, pie, football, and laughter.





Last year we went to my side of the family for solidarity and to painfully celebrate the fact that in the midst of downright sucky circumstances, life goes on. Last year on this day I was able to go with my sister to visit her son, my only nephew, in the institution where he was currently living. It was the first time I had seen him in months. It was the first Thanksgiving he wasn't at home. He will most likely never get to go home. He had just turned 12.

I won't go into all the details here. He is mentally ill and probably has always been. He was a very difficult pregnancy for my sister, a horribly difficult birth, an extremely fussy baby, an odd and slow to develop toddler, and as he got older we all knew something just wasn't right. It was dismissed as this or that until it finally couldn't be dismissed any longer.





On a lovely unassuming spring evening last year I got the call from my sister. She was frantic.



Months of doctors and facilities and social workers and court dates and all the hell that that involves would be ahead for her, for all of us.




He has just been recently moved again, hopefully this place will be able to offer more help.



This is not the way it is supposed to be. My sister is probably the toughest chick I have ever known, even before all of this. She will survive. But her heart will be broken forever.




She has said it is like losing a child, except that there will never be any closure.





This Thanksgiving we are all going back to doing our respective traditional things. She has her husband's family and I have our big gathering to attend. My mom and step dad are off to other relatives. Life goes on in the new normal we have had thrust upon us.



There was a time when I truly believed that everything happened for a reason, there was a Master Plan.  I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe sometimes crap just happens and there is no good reason for it. I can now hold my sister when she cries, allow to her rant about the system when she's angry, and listen to her doubts and fears about all this without having to inject an unsolicited higher purpose for it. I wouldn't have been able to do that before.



I am thankful today that I'm alive, that my kids and husband are healthy and that we will have a wonderful day with family. Maybe life is just about what we have now. I am thankful.

Thankful Thursday

Today I am giving thanks for a little guy in a suit jacket and rain boots.

A teen who took the time to teach her little sister to ride a bike.

This old tape deck given to my boys by my wonderful step-dad. They have been raiding my tapes.

I've been trying for years to find ( or make) something to effectively get the hard water stains off the shower. I had a coupon for Bar Keeper's Friend, so I finally broke down and bought it. I highly recommend it.

What are you thankful for today?

Thankful Thursday

This week I am thankful for:







A steal on very ripe red peppers. I flash froze them to use in stir fry and on pizza.

 

 

 

 

 

Small gifts that make little boys happy.

 

 

 

 

 

Everything bagels....yummy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For some reason, I keep forgetting to buy bandages, but they still keep showing up when we need them. I found these in the cabinet and I didn't even know they were there.

 

 

 

 

The fact that we're one day closer to summer!

 

 

 

 

 

 

What are you thankful for today?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thankful Thursday

Thunderstorm season is upon us. I love thunderstorms.

The first of the mint and motherwort to add to my iced green tea has been springing up.

These awesome readers were given to us. They are just what one of the boys needs at this stage in his reading.

Our electronically minded son has been at it again. Our old Sega Genesis was not working so he replaced all the capacitors in it (he said it's called "recapping") and I couldn't believe my eyes. That's my boy:)

Abandoned cinnamon toast sparkling in the sun would normally make me irritated. But it was a thing of beauty this week.





What are you thankful for today?

Heavenly Gifts- Fancy Suit Jacket

My little guy's birthday was Sunday. It was Thursday when I realized that the day was fast approaching.



Our tradition around here is that the birthday boy or girl gets to chose whatever they want for supper on their birthday and they get a gift from us.



Well....I hadn't prepared properly and I was really hoping to just get something while out on my weekly shopping trip. I asked him what he wanted and he wanted a suit.


A suit.


What he meant by this was a suit jacket. For some reason a couple of my boys want to wear suits all the time now, it's cute.


So, I prayed that I would be able to find a suit jacket on Saturday in his size that didn't cost too much.


I headed off to my favorite kids' second hand store...


Marched right to his size...

And there it was.

He's checking himself out in the mirror

I was chatting with the cashier about it and she told me that they had just gotten this put on the rack the night before.



Thank you Father!

 

Thankful Thursday

This week's summer like weather has been just wonderful.


Exercise is a word I do not like. It conjures up images of drudgery, sweat, guilt, and failure. However, I need to do something. But, it doesn't have to be exercise. So, here is my new walking track.

Okay, so it's been here all along. I've been inspired to start going outside and walking. I'll get fresh air, sun, and hopefully get in better shape. I'm really enjoying it so far.


Sun drenched school mornings make me happy:)

The Gorilla Glue I bought for something a long time ago made this broken chair good to sit on again.

Not super attractive, but it works for me

 

 

 

Say, what's going on over there?

Our neighbor is a regular Jack Hanna. Who knew we had so many creatures hanging around?

 

What are you thankful for today?

Thankful Thursday

I was so happy the other day when I discovered that I had these tucked away:

Crushed is now my new favorite style of canned tomato. Once I get through the stockpile of paste, I will be going with these.




I'm also thankful for kiddos who like my fried potatoes.

I cut these up, fried them and when they were nearly done, added a left over pork chop and a half along with a little smoked sausage.

This becomes a tasty hash.

Serve with ketchup (I sprinkle Parmesan cheese on mine instead).

I'm also thankful that we had cheese and crackers on hand for our more particular eater:

What are you thankful for today?

More about Hospitiality

You know if you've been reading my struggles with letting others into my little kingdom over here.


If not read here and here and here.


Well, this last year has been a big lesson in CHILLING OUT for me. There was one incident of a neighbor that was especially troubling, but it has been taken care of by my awsome protector aka the Mr. The offender has been banned from the realm.



That has freed me up to not be so hospitably challanged with the neighbor that I do really like and we are enjoying having him here (and to be fair four of my six crash their pad, too).





We've been having pizza night on Friday and it has been lots of fun. Neighbor was over once and likes my pizza:) so I have been making a bit extra and they hang out here after.

Wii !!!

It's so nice to see the kids having fun, knowing they are safe and enjoying the warmth of the evening.

Big Slimy Donuts

My seven year old calls them that. I usually buy a treat for them at the store when I shop on Saturdays and this week he requested the donuts. They are usually a bit more than I want to spend, but it just so happened that they were half off.


Thank you Father!

God and Sinners Reconciled

It's been a busy couple of weeks. We decided this year to really try to relax and enjoy the holiday time. Family has been so important to us this year, they always should be, but we never know what we've got until the hard stuff comes....



I was unhappy about my behavior one day recently. I felt very convicted and guilty and then I spotted this on the floor of our van. It was looking right up at me as I got into the driver's seat.

a craft from Sunday school, I assume

 The kids had cleaned out the van the day before, but for some reason left this behind.


Suddenly, a wash of His love came over me. I didn't feel guilty anymore. I don't know how to explain it, but if one looks at it simply....God forgives me, you, everyone.

¹⁸ Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, ¹⁹ that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. (from 2 Corinthians 5)

That is why we celebrate the Joy of Christmas. God has made a way for us to come back, and He's not keeping score of every little sin. It's finished. The hard part is getting our minds around that.


We should be overflowing in gratefulness every second, especially when we feel condemned by our own faults because we know He loves us! We don't keep sinning, we get up and try again because we are accepted in Him and that creates true love for Him in us.



Merry Christmas!

Captivating Thoughts

Have you ever been trucking along with everything going well and all right in the world and with God and your fellow man when it hits you....an unwelcome thought?  This happens to me more than I would like, and it occurs to me that this may be what we are raging our war against.





We are told to not worry, but I DO! OH BOY do I worry.  That is in rebellion of His word and I don't even realize that it is because there is something very stoic about worry, you know? It is as if we feel like if we carry the whole world on our shoulders, we're doing God some big favor.






So I'm thinking what are the thoughts that are from God? The apostle Paul says this is what we are to think about:


...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy...(from Philippians 4)


There are a LOT of things in my mind that are not on that list.



Do my thoughts produce the fruit?


...love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control... (from Galatians 5)

Any thoughts that don't produce this are not being made captive to Christ.




Father, help us to bring each thought captive to You, give us the mind of Christ that we may remain in Him, do the good works you have prepared, for without Christ we know we can do nothing. Help us to live as sons and daughters of the Most High that the world will see and know that You ARE.

Jehovah Jireh 7

The Lord provides everyday of course, but I like to document when there are what seem to me to be unusual, timely, or just plain coincidental things.

My son wanted a binder to put his schematics in. I didn't have any extras at the time and told him he'd have to wait. A couple of days later this:

binders for all

Also, the kids had JUST run out of drawing paper:

My mom's office had moved and here is a bunch of letterhead with the wrong address. The binders came from the office clean out too.












Cool:)



Thank be to God who gives us all things.

Thankful

I know, I know, we're all doing the thankful thing.

 But I am, really. This year has been a doozy and it occurs to me that things are never going to be "perfect" in anyone's lives and stay that way very long.






We did Thanksgiving differently due to a series of events that no one saw coming when this year started.  It's a gift, I suppose, to not know what's coming down the road whether good or bad.  It's the same with the past. Lessons learned make us wiser (hopefully) although they can be very awful. But God has us where He wants us when He wants us.





Thankful. I am for this season, this time, this bitterness of soul and this joy of spirit. They are all there in this present. I hope to use them well.

No Record of Wrongs

1 Corinthains 13 came up again yesterday. In the NIV it says in verse 5 that Love:

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Other translations put it differently, but I like the way it is said here-no record of wrongs.



The Prophet Isaiah speaks of forgetting the former things, and the Apostle Paul of leaving it all behind and pressing on. Linear time is something that we mortals are burdened with. We can't do anything about the past; things that are but shadows can haunt and keep us down (and fearful) as if they were reality. It is a form of faithlessness when we keep bringing up our pasts to Him over and over when He Himself says He won't remember.  He knows our hearts, we need to trust Him when he says: "Peace be with you".



Let us strive for what is ahead, believing in every good promise and in every possibility, holding on to our faith that the Spirit has placed within our hearts.

A white stone

A new name

Behold, He makes all thing new!

A Dream

Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Jehovah Jireh 6

As I was looking around my very very messy bedroom yesterday, it occurred to me to once again count my blessings.

It doesn't usually look like this.

It's that time of year where I switch out their summer clothes for the winter ones.








Four boys, all clothed. I don't recall asking anyone or going shopping for most of this, but He has provided.

Jehovah Jireh 5

The last few weeks have included a lot of driving on my part. Gas is not really something I have to worry too much about, as we don't travel far from home too often, but woo-hoo have I been spending more time and money at the pump.

This of course dips into my weekly budget and I wondered how I was going to juggle it all.



At one of these destinations, my step-mom asked me to follow her out to the garage before we left and she filled a bag with 20ish pounds of freezer meat. So I was able to use the meat money for gas. Isn't that convenient?

There was more, I used some:)

I also just happened to be asked by my local meat provider if I wanted a deal on a good amount of cubed steak. I did, and we are set for awhile.

This is only about half of it....anyone got good cubed steak recipe ideas?

And as a special extra, another loved one treated me to a jar of name brand (ooo la la) Nutella. I had just bought a jar of the Kroger brand- a perfect time for a taste test!

Kroger wins for taste, Nutella for consistency (it's a bit thicker and doesn't drip everywhere).

In the midst of all the craziness lately, my Father is there with all I need.