Maybe you had too much too fast.
Maybe you had too much too fast.
Or just over played your part.
Shakedown Street-Grateful Dead
After coming to the conclusion after so many years that the Bible did not prove to me to be inerrant or cohesive, I wasn't sure what to do. Over the course of several months I tried a few things.
I wandered into a somewhat brief foray with taking the Old Testament metaphorically, esoterically, as a huge parable. There are Gnostic Christians that believe such things and they make a good case, as good as any other case. Of course this stuff isn't meant literally, what was I thinking?
I also entertained the red letter or just Jesus idea for awhile, too. But who was He? Was He the gentle savoir who told the adulteress her sins were forgiven or the demanding Lord who asks us to sell everything and hate our own family to follow Him? Is He the one who asks his father to forgive his tormentors the One who will kick butt on Judgement Day? Why can't we raise the dead, heal the sick, and do all the things He promised? I found that whatever connection I had with Jesus, reading the gospels again with this filter caused me a lot of confusion. Some of the parables made absolutely no sense and the ones about Him casting out people who thought they were "in" were terrifying. How is this supposed to be comforting?
Not everyone that says "Lord, Lord" .....
Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth....
Better to have never been born...
As a dispensationalist, I could take what Jesus said and just dismiss it as being part of Israel's program, but that was not the case now. What in the world am I supposed to be doing?
Love the Lord your God with all your mind and with all your soul and with all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself.
I put away trying to figure out the Bible for awhile and decided to do just that.
I found to my surprise that my worldview was taking a different trajectory. If the Great Tribulation already happened (which I now believed) then we don't need to be worried about the AntiChrist or the New World Order or the Mark of the Beast or anything like that. If I was to love my neighbor as myself, I could stop all this us versus them mentality. I wrote a notes to some of my family members who I had in the past bludgeoned with the "truth". I apologized for basically kicking them when they were down, told them that I loved them, God loved them and everything would be alright.
I completely lost all interest in current events (as far as they were fulfillments of prophecy) and any end times ideas at all. I am here now, this is my life. I wanted to be the light of Christ to the world around me. I no longer worried about warning people that they were headed for Hell. I started to see the value and beauty of the here and now.
I'm not sure exactly where my husband was with all this. We rarely talked theology anymore. When I mentioned that there were many Christians that didn't think the world was going to end in the premillennial dispensational way and I was now one of them, he was disappointed. This is it? Not that the world wasn't going to end, but that the plain meaning of the book of Revelation that we had spent literally hundreds of hours studying may have been wrong. Not that my husband ran with every theology I came to see as new truth, I think we were both making similar discoveries in our own way. I was just much more vocal about it.
We had also been for the past few years "prepping" you know, for when it all went down. We had quite a bit of a pantry (or small stockpile if you will). Our whole life had revolved around the fact that Jesus was coming back any time. We hadn't planned for the distant future at all as far as the kids' education, retirement, goals or plans. We were "looking up" for our redemption.
In Matthew 6, Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow after all.....
But for some reason it was like putting on reality glasses for the first time in a long time. I think my husband was starting to think that we'd been sold a bill of goods, and I so did I.










