I Guess I'd Better get back to It.

 Just start writing, for no reason as if no one will read it. Just do it for practice, for fun. This is the way you express yourself and it really does make you feel better. -me to me

Tonight at work a wave of sorrow hit me quite unexpectedly. I was gathering dishes to wash and since there's been a recent dust up and subsequent departure of one of the main guys,  (My favorite main guy. Everyone's favorite main guy.), things have not been the same. It's been a few weeks and we are settling into a new groove, but it will never be the same.  I absolutely hated the feeling, but decided to think it through, feel it, and move on. It worked for the most part, but I really sometimes wish I didn't get so attached to certain people. He's the kind of guy that draws people in because he just raises the vibes anywhere he is. Everyone misses him and the mood has been grim. 

But what can you do? I was thinking today that maybe I could get my vibes vibin' higher, it certainly couldn't hurt. 

I have been climbing out of a tremendously dark pit for the last few years. It's been slow, painful, and sometimes I slide back in a bit, but we keep going. Nothing is guaranteed, even the things you really really want to be. It has made me think about staying in each moment, because that is all that is real. 

I have been given grace by many and have had enough of hating myself, so I won't anymore. I will try, but I will have to completely change the way I operate and I need to kick some old habits and start some new ones. I have never been one to discipline myself very well. I want me to have fun. I don't like rules and lists and charts and all that. I'm a free spirit, see? 

Sometimes I wonder if I have something fundamentally wrong with me or if I'm just unmotivated and too lazy or depressed to do anything to motivate myself. If I don't feel it, I ain't doing it. That has not worked and I really don't know why I stopped caring, but I did. I just didn't care, about anything. 

Now I do, or at least I want to care. I can feel it coming back, so I am encouraged. It may be just as simple as just cracking down on myself. I'm working very hard on changing whatever it is that took me away. But I'm in there, I can tell, she's trying to come back. 

So as I cry tears I thought I was done crying, I guess I do feel a little bit better.

Well, I Lost It...

"

I quit my job at Outback Steakhouse on July 13. My daughter quit on July 12. That place is whack. I've never seen such a shitshow in my entire life, especially the last year or so.

Servers doing NOTHING
Managers don't give AF
Manipulation and Favoritism


BUT

For me, the last straw was when I realized that I would rather die than go to that hellhole and my 15 year old son remarked


"Just don't go..."


For some reason on that Friday afternoon on July 12, it resonated with me. I started mentally calculating how much I had in savings and how long I could not work. It was settled.



MIRACLE!!!


More details to follow....

The Yearly Manager Exodus

It seems like this happens once a year. We find ourselves with a whole new team of managers. It was last year at this time that we got a new owner at our store and now all of our other managers have gone away. Sadly, this means having to start ALL OVER AGAIN every year with the set-ish schedules we veterans of the restaurant have, protecting our turf as in sections and shifts and just having to learn how a whole new group of people work.


I've always been able to get along with just about everyone, with our newest owner being an exception. He came in last year with both barrels blazing, unapologetic-ally just pissing everyone off.  Quite a few people quit. Since then, he has really toned it down and may turn out to be one of the best managers we've had so far (if he stays), but it really took a very long time for him to "fit in" here.


So, I met new manager 1 of 3 last night. He seems okay. What I'm most worried about is my schedule at this point, due to my now carrying the health insurance for our family. If I don't average enough hours, I won't be eligible next year and so far, I have everything delicately balanced. I'm usually not one to demand certain things, but being there for over 4 years and seeing how those who demand get, it makes me wonder if I should change my approach should things not go my way. Although, it's really not my style, we'll see.


I would never do it, though, go into management. I did manage in the restaurant I worked in several years ago before the kids and it was not my thing. They have to deal with all this:

I just hope I can CHILL out and keep things they way they have been. 

Some Nice Stuff

I'll make this quick. I have one day off this week.


ONE

That is today. My best intentions on getting up early and getting a bunch of stuff done were thwarted by a raining morning and cuddly kitty, so I didn't.



Anyway, I had an interesting table on Sunday. One elderly man at a table meant for four in the center of the dining room. We were just starting to get the after church crowd in and I noticed that Theresa had a group of them in her section. The elderly man was hard of hearing, missing quite a few teeth and looked pretty disheveled overall. After some time going over the menu with him, he decided on a Filet and soup and salad. I noticed the eldest gentleman from Theresa's party come and talk to the man, shaking his hand, although I didn't hear the conversation. I thought maybe they knew each other. 


"Alice, the man at table 15 wants your guy's check."


I gave it to him, he paid and left me a 50% tip.


After my guy was done, he asked where he should pay and I told him it had been taken care of already. He told me to thank whomever did it and I said I would.


Later, the party was still there and I thanked them for the old man. I also said that I didn't give away who paid the tab, and he said, "good" with a warm smile.



It was just a nice thing to see.

God at Work

Three times God is mentioned last night.

"You must pray a lot Alice," our new waitress Janet says as I ring in an order.

"Why?"

"To be able to keep a good attitude here."

"Well, I just go to my happy place."

" Miss Alice, I need God," says Jimi as he's trying to separate a large parties' checks. 

"I'm so glad that party I took left me 10% tip on $350," Brenda says sarcastically. 

"But, God cares about you," chirps back Natalie with a twist of sarcasm.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask.

A shrug from Natalie

"You're going to hell, I say."

"I know."

Martin

I worked first weekend bar-tending shift with Roger Friday night. So far, I've only been by myself behind the bar, so Friday night is kind of the big time, requiring two of us.  I expected we'd be busy, but we have been inexplicably dead for the last week, this week being one of the worst I've had in a while.


Roger made the drinks for the most part, while I took care of the few guests at the rail. One man was very interesting. He orders a tall draft Bud light. There seemed to be a bit of a language barrier as he asked for the "steak dinner." Dude, we have like 7 different steaks of various sized and prices. He settled on the rib eye, well done with a side of mashed potatoes and mac and cheese. He ate the steak and the taters and left the mac (most people don't eat it, it gets too dry if it sits for more than a few minutes). He orders a couple more beers and then orders another rib eye with no sides. He eats most of that, I can tell he's going to be here for the night.


He was on his phone almost the entire time. He sees that Roger is putting his coat on and calls him over, I assume to give him a tip since his shift is over.  He then just keeps ordering beer after beer.  It gets to be closing time, and I serve him one more beer, but I'm thinking he's got to be pretty drunk by now. In fact, he is looking sleepy and slowing waaaay down on his last beer, so I hope I didn't over-serve him. Finally, he's ready to cash out and hands me 2 20's for a tip saying that I'm "a good person." I tell him to be careful and he motions that he is just across the street, probably at the hotel or in one of the sleeper trucks that get parked overnight in the nearby Lowe's parking lot. He staggers out the door, and I hope he's okay. I so did appreciate the $40, it was a very slow night.






At 12:30 pm the next day, I go back into work and Roger is bar-tending as he does every Saturday morning. I see Martin walk in the front door and enthusiastically waves at me. He sits down at the spot he was last night and as Roger is busy, I take his order, (same as the night before) even though I'm in the dining room this day.

Later, he stops me and says, "Roger says you were worried about me last night."

"I was"

"Why?"

"You had a lot to drink."

"Hey the first and last ones are the only ones that count."


He then tells me that he's a truck driver and was staying in his truck for the weekend which was literally only a few hundred feet away at the nearby parking lot. He's waiting to pick something up Monday morning. As we are the only restaurant on our drive that serves alcohol, I know he'll be here all day. I do feel relieved knowing that he won't be driving.


He later orders another steak again.


At about 5 p.m. I ask Roger how he is doing with Martin. Roger says,


"He's drunk as shit."


Martin leaves about 8:00 and tipped Roger $20. I guess he like me better :P

Gloom and Doom

He sat at the bar about an hour before close and asked what kind of white wines we had. I started to recite them and he asked to sample the Pinot Grigio. Giving a nod of approval, he ordered a 9 ounce pour and dinner. After a second glass, he started to get chatty(er) and commented on this and that, but the thing I noticed was the gloom and doom.



These young people don't know how the world is going to change. This world is not like the one I knew. Shakes head. Trump. Muslims. Hillary. and so on....



I do my busy work and listen as he seems to be not addressing me directly at this point and starts conversing with the other much younger man at the bar.


Gloom and Doom


And I think back to a time when I welcomed such with excitement. I can't help but imagine all the things that would be racing through my mind and news-feed if I were still looking up for Jesus to come back. I'm sure that there is quite a bit going on in the "watcher" groups right now. It's happeningnowrightbeforeoureyes!!! It was 10 years ago and 20 and 100 and 1000 and right up until I stopped watching and life goes on.




I have decided to be happy. I don't want to hear the Hell in a hand-basket stuff anymore. I do think that reality, and by that I mean one's perception of such, is in one's own mind. He sees the world as doomed, I see it as a nice place and I'm really for the most part enjoying my life.


He tipped very well.


The young guy- not so much.

Mother's Day

My third Mother's Day at the Restaurant went as well as could be expected with us being short-staffed. I was in one of the best sections, thankfully, with Erica, one of my favorite people to work with, so we did the best we could sharing what should have been a section for three servers. After a slow start with 5, 7, and 10% tips (oh, the holiday crowd) things started leveling out at supper time.

The wait in the lobby was all day and from my vantage point in the center of the building it just kept building. People really do take this stuff pretty seriously. Honestly, the mystique of casual fine dining has worn off for me an I can't imagine waiting to eat for 3 hours anywhere, but thankfully for us, they do.


It occurs to me that much most of the day is spent in dealing with customer complaints for our brave mangers. I definitely would not want their job. My food is cold, not done enough, too done, this table is too small, we've been waiting forever, this doesn't look like the picture in the menu, the server didn't tell me that would cost extra, why did they get their food first, we've been waiting forever...

That is most of the day, honestly, or maybe it just seems that way. There are some good ones though.


As I was running food to another server's section at about 3ish in the afternoon, I hear someone call out , "Alice!"

I look over and see it's the Christians. They are with a group I've not seen them with before and we shared pleasantries. It really is always nice to see them.

It's finally nearing closing time and the guests just keep pouring in. My partner and I are alternating tables, but when it is her turn, I see that she is completely overwhelmed and I offer to take it. It was two ladies, clearly a mother and daughter. They were very polite and understanding that service was going to be a bit slow. I did recognize the mom, having waited on her before, but not remembering the details. Mom orders a glass of house Cabernet and daughter a Coke. They order food and mention wanting to place a to-go order before they leave. I juggle them along with the other 3 tables I have at the time and am just grateful that the last round here is not super demanding. As I drop the check, Mom tells me that she has had me as a server before and that I just always do such a great job. These kind of moments are rare. Very few people speak up when they are satisfied. As they are leaving I see them looking around in the lobby for something and I ask if I can help. Mom asks to speak to a manager and I go get the big boss.


Moments later my daughter comes back having overheard the conversation and tells me that this woman just wanted to compliment me to the manager. This makes my (12 hour) day:)  They left a very nice 25% tip, too.

Be nice to your food service workers, if you haven't been in the industry, you just have no idea.


Happy belated Mother's Day!!

Last table of the night. Great tip and they asked to speak to the manager to compliment me. That's the way to end a 12 hour shift. :)

A photo posted by 11aliceg95 (@11aliceg95) on May 9, 2016 at 6:08am PDT

Love the Sinner...

It is amazing to me at how much more free I am and even in the weariness of my new normal, with my wall to wall activity, I am free in my own mind. Free.


The people I work with are a bunch of characters. I figure it is that way everywhere and I guess that's part of what makes the world go 'round. My daughter who just started working there said she could totally see it as some kind of mockumentary show like The Office, and I'm sure it would be hilarious if written correctly.


There are those who have been there for years, many who come and go, but the mix is always interesting. Recently, I trained a new server, who after some chit-chat told me his story of moving here from down south and living with his in-laws and husband and raising his 9 year old nephew. Since then, I've met the husband and nephew and William is one of my favorite people to work with. He's polite, hard-working, considerate, friendly, and gay and raising a child with another gay man.


Years ago, this would have sent me into huge fits of cognitive dissonance as I knew it was not right and this man and his whole unholy family would be surely headed straight for eternal torture. On the other hand, my own judgement would be what it is now, live and let live. I've never sided with God on this gay thing and now I don't have to.

This is the End

One of the lounge's semi-regulars came in tonight. He's a very nice man, divorced, a couple of grown kids, about 8 years my senior. Last year he asked me to make his daughter a pair of earrings after admiring mine and finding out I made them myself. He paid me nicely.



We were talking about life, jobs, kids, whatnot, when he asked me,


"You know what's coming, don't you?"


I was thinking he was still in how much it costs to raise kids mode, and teenagers and college, but what came next was something I never expected.


"Alex Jones....Niburu...rapture...secret bunkers...Jerusalem..."


This went on for about 15 minutes. Thankfully,we were now closed and I didn't have to worry about neglecting any other guests, but MAN, was I not ready to hear all this tonight :)


I just listened and tried to relate without, you know...


Johnny, I never knew this side of you.

The Christians

I walked into work on a Sunday a few weeks ago and started to run food and fill ice and things like I always do before my first table gets seated. One tray was ready to run to table 27, so I ran it out and saw that the guests sitting there were the somewhat regular Christian couple and a guest.


"Hi Alice," the man greeted me warmly. And I greeted back. I was truly glad to see them.

"I was just thinking about you this morning," I said. I really was. I don't work every Sunday and they had just been on my mind while getting ready for work.


They asked about my mom and me and said they still keep us in their thoughts and prayers. They seem like very sincere people.


They most always have at least one guest and it is not usually the same guest. I can imagine how they would invite someone to lunch after church, probably for fellowship or evangelistic purposes. I've seen them with other older couples, black, white, Hispanic, young people, sometimes there are six or eight of them and sometimes it's just them. The man always makes the "give me the check" motion at an appropriate time, and they always tip well.


I told Theresa who was their server this day.

"Those people at 27 are really nice."

"Yes, she said, they asked me if they could pray for me."

"They do that, they are good tippers, too."

"Cool."





They came into the lounge this past Saturday by themselves while I was working and I was their server.  He asked me if there was anything they could pray for again, and it didn't take me long to think of something. Life is always got something that one wishes could magically be fixed.


I wonder how they would be if they were not religious. I mean, I think some people are just good people regardless of their beliefs or lack thereof. I know that I have been surprised in the other way by people (at work) who talk about God, but act very ungodly.

Whatever

While closing up at work, I bring four buckets of ice to Justin the bartender.

"Thanks, Alice, you don't have to do that."

"No problem," I say, Justin always runs my drinks and is just a great guy.

I walk to the back to help out the kitchen closers and Sam(antha) yells,

"Alice, GO HOME! You do too much."

"NEVER!" I say, I like to make sure everyone is just about done before I leave.




I finally get ready to go and say my goodbyes and Justin says (as always),

"Who's walking you out?"

He's the only one who is ever worried about it, and will always stop what he's doing, walk clear around the bar and walk me out, and I don't want to be a bother.

"The Lord," I say and hear Roger (who knows my deal about that) cracking up across the bar.

Dan the manager who is off work that night walks me out and I can see the signs of a very bad day on his face.


"The Lord hasn't watched me for a long time," I tell him.


"Me neither," Dan replies, "You need to park closer, Alice."


"Whatever," I yell back.


It's dark on the East Side and I'm ready to go home, it's been a Hell of a couple of days.