I've been low lately. The self blame-game I've been playing about the change in gears here and what residual effects there may be has been heavy on me. I've been teary-eyed quite a bit again and have felt pretty powerless and hopeless a time or two.
As work begins to be more mundane since the newness has worn off, I find that I don't keep that positive outlook like I did at first. And I find that much of this sadness and negativity is getting to me in all kinds of ways.
We've had a round of sickness sweep through the realm here in the last two weeks and sometimes just being knocked off your feet with something is enough to make you stop and think. What is really important?
Happiness.
Peace.
Joy.
Love.
Focusing my efforts as I have over the last several months on the fallout of the deconversion is a bit energy draining. I understand that I will never divorce myself completly from the subject as it still holds a great interest to me, for reasons that I can't really articulate. It was such a huge part of me that I cannot imagine ever just forgetting that. But, I want to rise up to something better now, get back to more uplifting subject matter (at least on this blog:)) -Rants and occasionaly pity parties to be held elsewhere.
I want to be grateful, happy, and be a positive person. After all, I really don't have any problems compared to many people. We all have so much to be thankful for, even in the midst of our trials. I feel better already.
As work begins to be more mundane since the newness has worn off, I find that I don't keep that positive outlook like I did at first. And I find that much of this sadness and negativity is getting to me in all kinds of ways.
We've had a round of sickness sweep through the realm here in the last two weeks and sometimes just being knocked off your feet with something is enough to make you stop and think. What is really important?
Happiness.
Peace.
Joy.
Love.
Focusing my efforts as I have over the last several months on the fallout of the deconversion is a bit energy draining. I understand that I will never divorce myself completly from the subject as it still holds a great interest to me, for reasons that I can't really articulate. It was such a huge part of me that I cannot imagine ever just forgetting that. But, I want to rise up to something better now, get back to more uplifting subject matter (at least on this blog:)) -Rants and occasionaly pity parties to be held elsewhere.
I want to be grateful, happy, and be a positive person. After all, I really don't have any problems compared to many people. We all have so much to be thankful for, even in the midst of our trials. I feel better already.
Sorry you are feeling down. My husband asked me today if he could get me anything. He was running out for a coffee and wanted to know if there was something I'd like. I answered, "World peace." (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteIt's getting better Zoe. It has been overwhelming here lately, but I haven't been looking at the bright side, and there is a lot of new things I love about the way things are going. World peace would be wonderful, too.
DeleteAt the moment there's a challenge going on on FB. The challenge is to list at least one thing you're grateful for, for three days in a row. Next you get to challenge 5 others. It could help you to put/see things in perspective... :-)
ReplyDeleteI used to wake up every morning and pray before getting out of bed. Then, I switched that to just finding something to be thankful for. I got lazy about that and I do think it is a valueable practice. I'm going to start that again.
DeleteIt's a rough time of year generally, I think, between exhaustion and stress and sinuses and sickness. My usual advice is just to stop and be nice to yourself for a little bit. ("Self," you should say, "I think you really deserve this." Then settle into a hot bath with a good book and a glass of wine, or stretch out on the couch and put in a movie, or trade backrubs with your husband, or just go for a walk by yourself. Whatever makes you feel better, really.)
ReplyDeleteIt really is a rough time of year. I never knew before how much went into this "back to school" thing. My goodness! And the money. But still, I had everything they needed, so I am thankful for that.
DeleteI'm off today and I am going to take it easy:)
Occasional sinking spells are the norm for me. It seems no matter how good life is, always just underneath the surface there is a melancholy stream that flows. Every now and then I get into a deeper rut and it is really an effort to get back out. Walking outdoors always seems to help me, at least in the short term. We're here not by choice, live and suffer and then die.... Any thoughtful person is bound to be moved by that reality at least every now and then.
ReplyDeleteI like the image of the melancholy stream. I think I have that, too. My mom always told me that I just thought too much for my own good sometimes. I guess with a lot of thinking comes this kind of thing.
Delete"fallout of the deconversion", I like that. I'm there, too, Sister. Time, time, and more time. And even then, as you say, we won't ever just forget.
ReplyDeleteI agree, with the other comments. It's good to be good to yourself. Walks help me a lot. Matt and I have been walking during the evenings. It's been nice to breathe the fresh (hot!) air and have time to talk a little.
Have you ever listened to the group Quiet Company? Their album "Where We Belong" is particularly good for us deconverts. I've also been listening to Seth Andrews' podcast "The Thinking Atheist". I always feel so encouraged after each episode. Anyway....
Hope today is bright.
I haven't had much time for "me" lately at all. Between work, still pretty much homeschooling one of the kids three days and week and now running back and forth to the YMCA so the big kids have an outing, it's just been so busy.
DeleteI do find little breaks- driving to work alone- an extra long lunch on the computer- a stroll through the garden- to be very appreciated.
I think you've mentioned that band before, I'll have to go and look again. I've not done any podcasts for a looooooong time (I was completely addicted to a couple of Christian ones) maybe I'll check that out too.
"What is really important?" ~ Alice
ReplyDeleteI think you're asking the right question. You answer that question with...."Happiness", "Peace", "Joy", and "Love".
I agree with those four concepts, but with the exception of "Love", I would add that trying to impose a permanent sense of the other three things onto ourselves is futile exercise and could lead to insanity, both trying, and even succeeding. Like Doug B. pointed out, no one made a choice to be here. But we're here, nonetheless, and now we have some choices to make. IMO, one of the most important of those choices is how we decide to deal with reality. For those who can no longer "buffer" reality with religion, superstition, and magical thinking, we're faced with making the best of the limited time we have. So, Idk...I guess try to use that time thinking like the person who said....
I want to be grateful, happy, and be a positive person. After all, I really don't have any problems compared to many people. We all have so much to be thankful for, even in the midst of our trials. I feel better already.
= )
I can't argue with any of that:)
DeleteI resonate with your feelings Alice. Once heard someone say that life is not a journey of hills and valleys but more like train tracks. On one hand (track) we always have things that cause us to struggle and on the other hand we always have things to be thankful for. The challenge is to find some sort of balance. Not that I have a clue how to do it. :)
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, Bob. :)
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