Okay, so things are going very well at work and I am having a good time with
For some reason that I honestly don't know, this guy does not like me and is condescending, mean, and snippy every time I have to deal with him. He is a kitchen guy, so we aren't doing the same things, but I do have to try to communicate with him every time I work.
And it IS just me, I've seen how he acts around the other employees, and he is genunienly friendly to them, but just obviously cannot stand me.
What do I do?
Part of me figures, who cares? Not everyone is going to like me. But, I know he's been there for like ever and isn't going anywhere and neither am I . It would certainly make my life easier if I could do something to make this better.
Also, English is not his first language, so I don't feel like I can effectively "talk" to him about the situation.
Any ideas?
Is he a Christian? Is he reading your blog?
ReplyDeleteAdvice? I'm not sure if there's much you can do. Could your boss help out in some way?
He is possibly a Christian, but I don't know. I would almost guarantee there is no way he has ever seen the blog or would connect me to it if he had. (especially since I have it off search engines). There is like a weird negative energy around him whenever I try to say anything. I think back and I can't remember ever doing anything to piss him off, but who knows? I know that some of the cooks get grumpy when you screw something up and they have to redo it, but most of them are cool with us servers.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we were arch enemies in a former life? :P
Try to find someone who gets along with him really well, maybe even knows him for a longer period of time and ask this person if he/she knows what might be the problem or if he/she can talk to him about it.
ReplyDeleteIt could always be that you simply remind him of someone he can't stand, because of your looks and/or something in your personality. It doesn't have to be something you actually have done.
Good luck!
Thanks Lexje:)
DeleteI wonder, too if it is just that I remind him of someone, or he just "takes" me the wrong way. I know that another friend of mine there just thinks he is a really nice guy and I'm like "what?." I do plan to ask around and see if anyone else has had problems with him.
Hi Alice :-)!
DeleteYou got quite a challenge on your hands, or so it seems, having found a job you really like and then someone who is acting "hostile" without you knowing why.
"I do plan to ask around and see if anyone else has had problems with him." ~ Alice
Just an idea. Instead of finding out if others have had problems with him, see what you have in common. Find something to talk about, sit down with him, get some beverages (not necessarily in this order). All of this will possibly make it easier to get the conversation going, whilst showing him you're really an okay lady and well... chances are the conversation will lead itself smoothly towards what you want to find out.
Lots of people are wrecking their brains over this for you... You must be doing something right... ;-)...
Ick. This is a crummy situation to be in, and while I'm no therapist, I think that I can recognize not-so-good advice when I see it. What I mean is, if you're going to disclose your discomfort/discontent over the matter, I personally think it best to just be direct about it and do it yourself. In using a third party..i.e..going to a friend of his, you run the risk of looking like you're digging around for info' on him, or you might even come across as insecure..e.g..unable to stand up for yourself, both of which could make matters even worse, especially the latter, since he might even be harder on you than he is now. Another risk in using a third party is a scenario in which the person you confide tell other workers, and then the next thing you know it's a big drama where you have to work. I hope it works out somehow, though.
ReplyDeleteI certainly don't want big drama and I agree that I need to be careful and as direct as possible to avoid putting myself in a worse situation.
DeleteWhat about your employer? Are they by chance bilingual and/or have you thought about getting them involved? Of course, I'm aware that that idea has its risks, too, and that it falls into the "third party" category. IMO, that would still be better than scouting out a friend of the dude in question.
DeleteAlice: "I certainly don't want big drama and I agree that I need to be careful..."
Delete"b": "What about your employer?"
Employer? That contains far more risks than just being "the third party". Think escalation and him feeling called to task. That would cause (big) drama for certain.
But a colleague perhaps, one which the both of you can get along with and who you know will listen and "translate" if/when necessary?
Regardless, you need to find out what's on his mind. The sooner, the better. Maybe you can ask him to sit down with you, possibly after work, maybe even have a drink, to discuss things. Would that be optional?
DeleteMaybe you can ask him to sit down with you, possibly after work, maybe even have a drink, to discuss things.
I don't know about that, but I do have a strategy in place and I'll see how that works out this week. I've been off for the last three days, so I'm feeling fresher:)
"I've been off for the last three days, so I'm feeling fresher:)"
DeleteSome time away from it all, can surely help clear the mind and see things from different (and new) perspectives.
If you want to talk about that strategy, you know where to find "us". :-)
Thanks Lexje!
Delete“b”: “I personally think it best to just be direct about it and do it yourself.”
ReplyDeleteAlice, previously: “Also, English is not his first language, so I don't feel like I can effectively "talk" to him about the situation. ”
If Alice would be able to talk to him, yes you are right. But apparently he does not want to and/or is not able to, since she said she cannot effectively talk to him. If she can’t, then she has to find another way to get to talk to him, if needed through a friend. Besides, it can’t hurt to know why someone reacts the way he does, if she talks to him straight afterwards.
Anyway, one way or another communication between both parties have to be established. And if someone else has to mediate, so be it.
"L": "If Alice would be able to talk to him, yes you are right. But apparently he does not want to[...]"
DeleteI don't see anywhere where it was directly indicated (or "apparent") that he doesn't not want to talk to her about the situation in question. Sure, perhaps he doesn't want to talk about it if it means being called out. But still, it might not be a good idea to assume things in situations like this. Breaking the ice could go either way, really.
"[....] and/or is not able to, since she said she cannot effectively talk to him."
If he understood zero English, yes. However, if he works in a kitchen in America and cooks at least some Amercian food for at least some English-speaking waitstaff, I'm inclined to believe he knows enough English to know when there's a problem, and I still maintain that Alice at least attempting conversation with him first is the best option. If that utterly fails, then, okay, yes, perhaps get a translator, making sure it's someone who is neutral as possible(i.e..not one of his friends)
In addition to "b", Alice: If you are able to talk to him directly, please do so. There's nothing to lose for you, only to gain.
ReplyDeleteHi Alice,
ReplyDeleteSince you need to work with this fellow it makes sense to try and keep the peace. I would say don't go out of your way to be nice to him but when you need to interact with him just be kind and treat him the way you would want to be treated.
Hope and pray this situation works out for you.
Blessings,
<><
Hi child of God,
DeleteThat is for the most part what I've been trying to do. It's just that the smallest things seem to make him act very harshly with me. The other day I was checking the window to see if something was ready and he got very irritated with me. No one else does that/ nor do I see him doing it to anyone else.
Thank you for your input, I will keep on trying to win him over:)
"b": "I don't see anywhere where it was directly indicated (or "apparent") that he doesn't not want to talk to her about the situation in question."
ReplyDeleteAlice said the following: "Also, English is not his first language, so I don't feel like I can effectively "talk" to him about the situation"
No, it doesn't say he does not want to talk to her about it. Alice says she feels she cannot "effectively" talk to him about it. But for sake of argument, maybe Alice can answer this.
"b": "...and I still maintain that Alice at least attempting conversation with him first is the best option."
We're on the same page here. See my previous comment.
"b": "If that utterly fails, then, okay, yes, perhaps get a translator, making sure it's someone who is neutral as possible(i.e..not one of his friends)."
Maybe they have a mutual friend, who can be neutral as well, translating. And yes, getting someone as neutral as possible who can translate sounds look a good idea.
Child of God: "...just be kind and treat him the way you would want to be treated"
Sounds like sound advice.
"L" ~ "Alice says she feels she cannot 'effectively' talk to him about it".
DeleteI know what Alice said. My response to you wasn't addressing what Alice said about it; it was addressing what you said about it, which was this....
But apparently he does not want to and/or is not able to, since she said she cannot effectively talk to him[bold added] ~ "L"
Alice has stated that she doesn't feel comfortable approaching the person in question because of the language barrier, yes. But unless I've missed something, nowhere has she explicitly stated nor given any inidication that the person in question does not want to talk to her about the "rift" between them. It seems you've taken it upon yourself to add that part, based on limited information, and I'm merely saying that's it not a good idea to presume to know what he may or may not want to do.
If there's anything terribly wrong or unreasonable about what I've said, I guess feel free to have the last word on it.