Last summer I was conversing with my sister one glorious afternoon as our little girls played nearby.
At that time it was almost impossible to talk about any of this to anyone without coming unglued, but I know my sister is totally non judgmental and I needed to tell someone.
I had still not come right out and said I don't believe it to anyone, but I came as close as I had thus far that day.
My sister believes in God or the idea of a higher power, but certainly not the narrowness of Bible God. She never tried to convert anyone either, something I always did. Because of course, I knew the TRUTH.
She would often say in these attempts of mine that no one knows what happens after you die.
Well of course we do, it's in the Bible.
She would humbly suggest that maybe God wasn't angry at the gays.
Again, Bible, duh.
So that afternoon when I suggested that what could be known of God and what was in the Bible was just circular logic, the look on her face was pretty much, finally.
She had never been one to have her mind bound by anyone or anything, so she couldn't understand the way I could believe without question the Bible's (and Christianity's) corner on the truth. And I could never understand why she would want to risk eternal peace and happiness by not converting to the One True Faith.
And that day I broke out of that circle out loud.
At that time it was almost impossible to talk about any of this to anyone without coming unglued, but I know my sister is totally non judgmental and I needed to tell someone.
I had still not come right out and said I don't believe it to anyone, but I came as close as I had thus far that day.
My sister believes in God or the idea of a higher power, but certainly not the narrowness of Bible God. She never tried to convert anyone either, something I always did. Because of course, I knew the TRUTH.
She would often say in these attempts of mine that no one knows what happens after you die.
Well of course we do, it's in the Bible.
She would humbly suggest that maybe God wasn't angry at the gays.
Again, Bible, duh.
So that afternoon when I suggested that what could be known of God and what was in the Bible was just circular logic, the look on her face was pretty much, finally.
She had never been one to have her mind bound by anyone or anything, so she couldn't understand the way I could believe without question the Bible's (and Christianity's) corner on the truth. And I could never understand why she would want to risk eternal peace and happiness by not converting to the One True Faith.
And that day I broke out of that circle out loud.
Isn't it interesting how two people from the same family, having the same upbringing, can have totally different thoughts on this matter?
ReplyDelete'Just being curious here for a moment. You've stopped believing altogether in a God, unless I'm very mistaken. How about your sister?
As far as I know, she still believes that there are good and evil forces in the Universe and somehow a creator of some sort is the source of good. I think.
DeleteFor me, I'm still trying to figure it out, but I don't feel uncomfortable anymore saying that I don't believe in God.
"... I don't feel uncomfortable anymore saying that I don't believe in God."
DeleteI think that was the most foreboding and difficult hurdle to get past. The fear and worry over being a non-believer ... or (gasp!) ... and atheist ... the stigma and slander that had been instilled in me about "them" going all the way back to when I was a small child ... it was a terrifying thought. Of course, when I realized that I had basically already adopted the position of non-believer/atheist in every way but in name and the earth didn't open under my feet, and the sky didn't fall and I wasn't smote by a lighting bolt from on high ... it was really anti-climactic. About as earth shattering as proclaiming "I'm a dog lover". I just went ahead and said, "Yeah, I'm an atheist." and went and had a sandwich.
Mind you, I don't advertise the fact in the church newsletter ... but it became a mundane descriptive attribute like " I have brown hair" ... it's just a fact - that is open to amendment with proper evidence ;)
Robt
“For me, I'm still trying to figure it out, but I don't feel uncomfortable anymore saying that I don't believe in God.” ~ Alice
DeleteAs for me, I still have mixed feelings about it. I don’t mind telling others that I do not believe anymore. This being said, I feel uncomfortable speaking my mind about it. So I always ask whether or not people believe. Part of me (that’s probably an understatement) is still full of “frustration”. I still have so many questions left. Part of me blames myself for having been this gullible and having accepted, without question that this God is a God of love. One thing is for certain: BibleGod sure isn’t.
“The fear and worry over being a non-believer ... or (gasp!) ... and atheist ... the stigma and slander that had been instilled in me about "them"… ~ Robt
I can remember, vividly, apologizing for my ideas about Atheists. I do not know the exact words I used, but I used to think there was something very “negative and dark” about Atheism. It was quite embarrassing to realize what I had been thinking (one can even call it judging), once I got to know more about Atheists. They were (are) just every bit as human, being able to have a good time and be as kind as anybody else.
Always great to stop by here Alice. You seem to be doing well. I am glad that you are still talking about God. Hope this does not sound preachy or argumentative but I wonder if you think that there will be a time when you feel comfortable not talking about the bible or the man upstairs? Or do you feel that the your deconstruction journey will continue to be front and center in your life?
ReplyDeleteWell, this is my blog Bob:)
DeleteNot to sound sassy myself, but it isn't front and center of my life. This year especially will be bringing big changes that were set in motion due to all this, so it is still a big thing to me.
I probably won't ever stop talking about it altogether.
Sometimes when we leave a belief system people expect that to be the end of the story. Period. If we continue to blog some people might think we're trying to deconvert them. Chances are we are not (can't speak for all) but one thing I do know is it is helpful to others who also think/believe as you do. One feels less alone because you find out you aren't alone. :-)
DeleteAt this point, I wouldn't say I'm trying to deconvert anyone, nor would I want to. It is the fellowship of those like me that have made this so much easier than it would have been in isolation.
DeleteYay for that day! And for everyday since then.
ReplyDeleteOn being an Atheist, Robert Hall says.....
ReplyDelete"it's just a fact - that is open to amendment with proper evidence"
I'm glad you threw in the "open to amendment with proper evidence" part, Bobby. I think it's a good idea to always include that part, otherwise, you could find yourself labeled things like "militant", "closed-minded", and just the other side of the religious conviction "coin". Then again, you're just openly discussing your non-belief, so to some people, you're already those things. Sad, but true.
" I think it's a good idea to always include that part ..." ~ bS
ReplyDeleteWhen addressing folks who lean more towards the non-theist side of the fence it pretty much a given that all statements are open to amendment/review upon presentation of new evidence/facts - but I've come to learn in mixed company it's best to clarify this overtly and up front,
Those who are quick to hurl unfounded accusations, claims and labels are usually staunchly rooted in their fundamental beliefs to even consider another person's alternative position, much less entertain the slightest notion of movement off their position no matter what is presented or said. With those folks, the conversation is already "over" and I generally won't waste my time, energy and breath ... unless I'm in a mood to stir up the hornet's nest :P
Cheers,
Robt
Beautiful...I love the way you express your journey...
ReplyDelete<3