At the Baseball Place

What a perfect evening for the Lord to return I thought to myself sitting in the bleachers that early fall evening. The sun was just beginning to set and as the boys wrapped up their practices I felt a humble awe at the beauty of creation. I wasn't rapture watching anymore, mind you, with dates and Hebrew festivals, current events and all that. I had been burned too many times and just decided to agree that "no man knows the day or hour" at this point. But still, He was coming back pretty soon, and I was ready.




The life that we were carving out for ourselves at this time hinged on it. With no savings, no future plans to speak of ,we had nothing but this blessed hope.  We were starting to save some cash and food for if He didn't return before it all went down. We were "pretrib" but one never knows. We awaited the tribulation, wrath and vexation, and then the glorious return and the Kingdom of Heaven on earth. It was going to be great. I had no way of imagining what it would be like, but I figured it's the Kingdom of Heaven, how could it be anything but the most sublime of existence? This is what I was destined for.



Or so I wanted to believe. Living as if this life didn't matter at all became an ever increasing effort as the years went by. The kids were getting older, wanting to be regular kids. They didn't understand that we are not of this world. Part of me felt kind of hesitant to indoctrinate them with what we believed was ultimate truth, but what was the alternative?


Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and ye shall be saved, you and your household. 



Was that a promise or did the whose household have to believe to be saved? How does an eight year old inherently know he was born a enemy of God and needs a savior? Do they just parrot whatever we tell them until they get convicted of sin and come to Jesus later? How are they supposed to love this man/god that they have never seen or known?  What about our littlest? She was the only one not baptized as an infant and part of me thought maybe we should  just in case the Catholics were right about baptism being essential for salvation, but I knew that wasn't going to fly with my hubby.


And we were not as close as we once were. There was definitely Someone between us. For a time, it had brought us closer together, but as I studied more and came to different conclusions at times than what my husband thought, it could often become a point of contention. Or we just plain would not talk about it. But I was to let him lead, and I did, but it just wasn't the same as before all this. We had lost something. Both of us were trying to conform to the image of Christ (and I'm not sure now nor was then what that even means) and were losing ourselves.




But it was a beautiful night and I gave thanks.