This Year

It's very quiet in here this morning as everyone is sleeping in. School is out for another week and since I don't have any learning coach duties for another week, it's a vacation for me, too. It's been awhile since I sat here and intended to write anything, but since 2015 is drawing to an end, it seemed appropriate.


I have to say for the very first time ever that I can remember, Christmas meant very little to me. As a little kid, it was about getting stuff, then Jesus, and now, I don't know what. I guess I was rather humbug this year. The kids were spoiled and I was even able to help out another family in need a little, which is something I always hoped to be able to do, so that felt nice. Mom and my sister and I shared some Norm memories over wine.


The two biggest memorable events from this year happened this summer and in quick succession. My sixteen year old daughter has some friends online, one she met several years ago, who lives in California (actually he was her first "boyfriend"). Well, after they were no longer a couple :), she set him up with another friend she met on an art website. This girl lives just a few hours from us and the boy was coming to visit her with his family on their way to visit relatives in Michigan. The girls thought it would be cool if Rachel could go and spend the day with them. At first I wondered what I was going to do all day while they were together and worried about leaving the other kids at home for several hours. I researched and found a nice water-park nearby the friend's house and I took the other kids there while the friends went to the mall, pizza, shopping with her mother. It was really a perfect day. I don't know how to describe it, but it really was. Whenever I want to raise my spirits lately, I imagine that day.


Exactly one week later, I got the call from Mom that Norm had had (what they thought at the time to be) a stroke. The rest of the summer was over, and for the next six weeks, we all watched him pass away. It was truly awful.




Life goes on, and I've been dealing with the grief and sadness and back to normalcy.



Joe and I (mostly Joe) have started getting some much needed home improvements started. It will be a long time before it's where it needs to be, but one step at a time. He's also been very passionate about taking care of himself this year and has lost weight and is now working out regularly. I'm proud to be his wife. Rachel is now employed at the restaurant I work at. I'm proud of her, she really is doing a good job. Nick, my oldest son, just started interning at a local computer repair shop and he loves it. His Christmas wish lists are always interesting. He asked for a C++ programming book and a Raspberry Pi, some components, and breadboards. He's always working on something. I'm proud of him. Tim started taking Taekwondo classes and has done well, I'm proud of him. Daniel seems to be a natural on the drums. He's very good and I'm looking into upgrading his little kiddie starter set, which he makes sound amazing, so he can keep that up. He also makes me feel proud. Stephen is learning guitar and was using a shoestring as a capo the other day, so I did get him one for Christmas. He has always liked to wear suits and did get a size upgrade for the holiday as well. He makes me smile, and proud. Leah is just a very sweet little girl. She is our little cheerleader. I find that she shares Rachel's and my weird sense of humor. I love her and am proud of her.

Stephen and his capo string

The boys are all letting their hair grow long, which is fine with me. You get used to people thinking they are girls at first, but it does get annoying at times.




Life is good.



Here's to a Happy 2016.

The Christians

I walked into work on a Sunday a few weeks ago and started to run food and fill ice and things like I always do before my first table gets seated. One tray was ready to run to table 27, so I ran it out and saw that the guests sitting there were the somewhat regular Christian couple and a guest.


"Hi Alice," the man greeted me warmly. And I greeted back. I was truly glad to see them.

"I was just thinking about you this morning," I said. I really was. I don't work every Sunday and they had just been on my mind while getting ready for work.


They asked about my mom and me and said they still keep us in their thoughts and prayers. They seem like very sincere people.


They most always have at least one guest and it is not usually the same guest. I can imagine how they would invite someone to lunch after church, probably for fellowship or evangelistic purposes. I've seen them with other older couples, black, white, Hispanic, young people, sometimes there are six or eight of them and sometimes it's just them. The man always makes the "give me the check" motion at an appropriate time, and they always tip well.


I told Theresa who was their server this day.

"Those people at 27 are really nice."

"Yes, she said, they asked me if they could pray for me."

"They do that, they are good tippers, too."

"Cool."





They came into the lounge this past Saturday by themselves while I was working and I was their server.  He asked me if there was anything they could pray for again, and it didn't take me long to think of something. Life is always got something that one wishes could magically be fixed.


I wonder how they would be if they were not religious. I mean, I think some people are just good people regardless of their beliefs or lack thereof. I know that I have been surprised in the other way by people (at work) who talk about God, but act very ungodly.

A Couple of Things

War


How it's Supposed to work


The Sin of Sodom

Writing for Writing's Sake

It seems like I used to have so much to say, my brain would be bursting with so much that I had to get to my keyboard and get it all out there. I miss it. Right now, I've got nothing. I know a blog post about not having anything to say is kind of silly, but I miss writing, I miss you guys. I visit your blogs and smile and think, but even then, don't comment much because I feel like I just don't have anything worthy to add.


Is this it? Am I done? I wonder sometimes. I look at successful bloggers and always had hoped I would find my niche and be able to do this for a "living", but that is not really what I want. I enjoy working outside the house and if it weren't for be a waitress, I would certainly get much less exercise than I do now.  Plus, my few followers I feel are sort of my "blog family" and I don't anymore want to add a whole bunch of looky-loos. And the times I've contemplated just deleting the whole thing....



The kids, the house, the job, all things I could drone on about, but I don't want to. I know I've said I'd like to back off of my religion stuff, but sometimes, I'll think of something to say there, too. Everything just seems...still. I would even say I'm kind of bored with life right now. It's a season, I suppose. I wonder if know depression is lurking around here and due to recent events I can justify indulging it for a time.


I just needed to type for awhile this morning.

The Absence of Fear

One thing that came back to me again and again in these past few weeks was the absence of fear. I hadn't faced anything this life altering since my departure from the faith and I was astonished to realize that not only did I not miss not having God in the mix, I was very glad I didn't have that to deal with on top of everything else.


Was Norm saved? Is he in Heaven? Hell? What if I should have witnessed to him?


It became apparent to me that I had truly lived in a constant state of fear and anxiety. Never was I more depressed, self-loathing, and anxious than when I was trying to please God. And now, I'm not and I'm free.


Like I've said here before, I don't necessarily believe that there is nothing else after death, but I don't fear that something else anymore.  Faith that gives hope and comfort is fine for those for whom it does just that, for me, it did everything but.


I know it sounds harsh.