I have to say for the very first time ever that I can remember, Christmas meant very little to me. As a little kid, it was about getting stuff, then Jesus, and now, I don't know what. I guess I was rather humbug this year. The kids were spoiled and I was even able to help out another family in need a little, which is something I always hoped to be able to do, so that felt nice. Mom and my sister and I shared some Norm memories over wine.
The two biggest memorable events from this year happened this summer and in quick succession. My sixteen year old daughter has some friends online, one she met several years ago, who lives in California (actually he was her first "boyfriend"). Well, after they were no longer a couple :), she set him up with another friend she met on an art website. This girl lives just a few hours from us and the boy was coming to visit her with his family on their way to visit relatives in Michigan. The girls thought it would be cool if Rachel could go and spend the day with them. At first I wondered what I was going to do all day while they were together and worried about leaving the other kids at home for several hours. I researched and found a nice water-park nearby the friend's house and I took the other kids there while the friends went to the mall, pizza, shopping with her mother. It was really a perfect day. I don't know how to describe it, but it really was. Whenever I want to raise my spirits lately, I imagine that day.
Exactly one week later, I got the call from Mom that Norm had had (what they thought at the time to be) a stroke. The rest of the summer was over, and for the next six weeks, we all watched him pass away. It was truly awful.
Life goes on, and I've been dealing with the grief and sadness and back to normalcy.
Joe and I (mostly Joe) have started getting some much needed home improvements started. It will be a long time before it's where it needs to be, but one step at a time. He's also been very passionate about taking care of himself this year and has lost weight and is now working out regularly. I'm proud to be his wife. Rachel is now employed at the restaurant I work at. I'm proud of her, she really is doing a good job. Nick, my oldest son, just started interning at a local computer repair shop and he loves it. His Christmas wish lists are always interesting. He asked for a C++ programming book and a Raspberry Pi, some components, and breadboards. He's always working on something. I'm proud of him. Tim started taking Taekwondo classes and has done well, I'm proud of him. Daniel seems to be a natural on the drums. He's very good and I'm looking into upgrading his little kiddie starter set, which he makes sound amazing, so he can keep that up. He also makes me feel proud. Stephen is learning guitar and was using a shoestring as a capo the other day, so I did get him one for Christmas. He has always liked to wear suits and did get a size upgrade for the holiday as well. He makes me smile, and proud. Leah is just a very sweet little girl. She is our little cheerleader. I find that she shares Rachel's and my weird sense of humor. I love her and am proud of her.
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| Stephen and his capo string |
The boys are all letting their hair grow long, which is fine with me. You get used to people thinking they are girls at first, but it does get annoying at times.
Life is good.
Here's to a Happy 2016.
Hope it's a great year for you and your family! Your kids sound really awesome.
ReplyDeleteThis is just a nice and positive post - all the best to you and your family over the coming new year and beyond
ReplyDeleteThanks for the update Alice. Happy 2016.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Alice. I'm so glad you're enjoying your wonderful family and your new roll as income provider. You've not said so much lately about having those empty feelings regarding the loss of your faith. Is that because you've come to a greater appreciation of the advantages of living without Christianity? Are your faith related (or induced) fears subsiding?
ReplyDelete”I have to say for the very first time ever that I can remember, Christmas meant very little to me.”
ReplyDeleteThat’s so recognizable. It’s not my first time, but I’m still getting used to the feeling of “emptiness” by a lack of better words. Celebrating with others in church used to feel really good, until everybody started moving away and it was just me going to church alone. That was the beginning of the end, I suppose. Not believing anymore has taken away anything special. Wishing someone a “Merry Xmas” no longer includes any special message, it’s reduced to something which is expected from me because of tradition.
”I'm proud of…”
It’s nice to read about your kids. Especially you being proud of each and every one of them :-)!
”Life is good.”
Good. Hold on to that feeling :-).
Oh and a Happy New Year to you and yours with much joy, luck, great health and lots of big tips!
Thank you all for the comments. It's funny a couple of days after posting this, I got pretty sick, so I've been not doing more than absolutely needs done.
ReplyDeleteDan,
Emptiness and meaning comes and goes, I find. I'm still on the journey ;)
Sorry to here you've not been feeling well Alice. Take care of yourself and get well soon.
DeleteMy father died due to heart attack/ stroke while we were on our way to Vegas on Dec. 20, 2015. We are tourists by the way. He was beside me inside the car when he collapsed on Barstow, CA. We called 911 and did CPR while waiting for an ambulance. He was brought to a Community Hospital in Barstow. Five days later, the doctor said he had little brain which can support life and he is in a state of coma, so if we remove the ventilator he will die eventually. Doctor added, he will be a vegetable all the remaining time of his life and only a miracle would save him. On the 29th, we decided to let go and watch him pass away in a minute.
ReplyDeleteWhat is weird is that, I had maybe the same dream as yours. I dreamt of a large hall full of rusty bathroom fixtures. In my interpretation, since the bathroom fixtures are the ones that cleanses the body, maybe it is time for me to clean the fixtures. Which means that only I can be the one to get me out of my situation (depression and anxiety). My body is a working body, and only I can put myself on the move and live again.
It's my time to clean those fixtures, where other people can bathe and cleanse themselves too.
DeleteHello Dava,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Which means that only I can be the one to get me out of my situation (depression and anxiety).
I agree totally, but is much easier in theory than in practice I find. In fact, it seems that the more I "think" about it the more difficult it becomes.
It's been a really rough year and the more I think we're out of the woods, the more it piles on. But it's all in one's mind as far as how "bad" anything is, I think.
Thanks for stopping by :)
Lovely post Alice. <3
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your insights and the snippets about your family and children. It's the perfect post!
The 'life is good' comes though clearly; not that life itself is perfect, but it's good.
But that "perfect day"! I've had some of those the past couple years, even in the midst of some big challenges. Maybe that's part of what makes the perfect day. Like you, I bring those days to remembrance. It's good therapy. :)
Thanks for sharing and Happy 2016 to you too!
<3
not that life itself is perfect, but it's good.
DeleteIndeed Carol :)
Happy 2016 to you too!