Something that has occurred to me lately is that for the first time in many many years, my life is up to me....kind of. I certainly cannot control all the circumstances around me, but I can (must) look at things differently.
I will say that there are times I start to pray about something, out of habit, but then remember. But there is a strange relief in that, in knowing that it doesn't matter.
Toward the end of my faith, I looked a bit into Law of Attraction stuff. To be honest, I found that it did work sometimes (much like prayer) and as interesting as it was, it became clear to me that when The Universe didn't always respond to you in the way you wished, there were "buts" and "ifs" involved....just like prayer.
I could see how this new way of magical thinking could very easily become a religion and I gave up on that, too.
But now
I can go with the flow. I choose to. I could choose to go with prayer and but and if the unanswered away. I could use positive thinking and try lining up my vibration with the Universe and fight and claw to get that to work to my satisfaction, but I'm tired. I don't want to struggle anymore.
I just want to be.
I will say that there are times I start to pray about something, out of habit, but then remember. But there is a strange relief in that, in knowing that it doesn't matter.
Toward the end of my faith, I looked a bit into Law of Attraction stuff. To be honest, I found that it did work sometimes (much like prayer) and as interesting as it was, it became clear to me that when The Universe didn't always respond to you in the way you wished, there were "buts" and "ifs" involved....just like prayer.
I could see how this new way of magical thinking could very easily become a religion and I gave up on that, too.
But now
I can go with the flow. I choose to. I could choose to go with prayer and but and if the unanswered away. I could use positive thinking and try lining up my vibration with the Universe and fight and claw to get that to work to my satisfaction, but I'm tired. I don't want to struggle anymore.
I just want to be.
Amen my friend.
ReplyDeleteWow Alice! I have never heard you talk quite like this. Good for you and double good for you for not aligning with the universe. I wanted to mention on an earlier post of yours my dissatisfaction with reincarnation but wasn't sure you were really wanting to look critically at all these alternate spiritualities. My issue is with how little of a life is apparently transferred upon reincarnation. I don't want to forget who was my wife and who were my children and my parents and my friends. I don't want to not be able to recall where or when I previously lived or what kind of creature I was. How did I occupy my time? If multiple lifetimes are reduced to a fleeting deja vous or in some manner such as reincarnation I am lifetime by lifetime becoming an old soul then these other existences are 99% dead to my way of thinking and I find it more frustrating to think of life continuing in these totally unfamiliar not quite dead states than I do thinking of death as a complete cessation of my particular existence. The older I get the more death, simple befitting and shared with all creatures here on earth, appeals to me. I want to be part of and fully joined with THIS LIFE, the kind of life I know enough about to fill page after page with clarity and in detail. .
ReplyDeleteThe older I get the more death, simple befitting and shared with all creatures here on earth, appeals to me.
DeleteThat is really beautiful. I still don't like the whole death thing, and would really love to believe in an alternate spirituality, but for the reasons you mentioned reincarnation is unsatisfactory in many ways.
I laugh when I see "universe" given a capital "U", just as believers do with "god".
ReplyDeleteImagine: "Ah, how the Woods speak to me." or "My life in the Factory is totally fulfilling, as it communes with my spirit."
The desire to have everything relating to us -- the 'me, me, me' reflex -- is indomitable, eh?
It is:)
Delete*chuckle*... Love the "Factory" comparison. :D
DeleteI recently wrote elsewhere:
"I read the Bible last night. I thought I'd try some Psalms out...but it was so...hmmm...not real to what life is.
Then I thought to read the first chapter of Ecclesiastes. I could relate to it...and the isness of life. (New word...isness.)
The time I spend in the woods (and sometimes lost there) brings home the mercilessness in nature. Nature (and life in general) does not accommodate me. If and when that seems to happen, well...that is simply part of life that goes along with all the times that life doesn't accommodate me."
{end my statements from elsewhere}
I'm much more at peace with life now that I don't try to find the "meaning" in it all and in simply accepting that life "is."
Maybe I should use some capitalization... "Is." ;)
It's good to know that peace can follow this new way of life. I had kind of a bad day today with a bit of blueness and I think: "If only I still had faith in something" and then remember that most of my Christian life was spent in wrestling and depression.
DeleteIt Is what it Is I guess:)