I want to stop before going any further and say something.
I was folding laundry last night thinking about the things I have been and will be posting. It has been so good for me to work through much of this in writing, but I realized that what I know about where this is going, you do not. I was hit with a pang of conscience and I felt I had to say something.
It will probably take weeks or possibly even months to weave together all the things I want to say. It may even approach the length of a small book by the time it is all over and I didn't want to mislead anyone into thinking this has a particularly happy ending.
It's not usually a good idea to give away the ending of a story right at the beginning, but I want to be upfront here at the start. I thought I put enough of a hint in part one, but to anyone who didn't pick up on it, I am having serious doubts about Christianity.
These are not new doubts and if you will continue to read you will see how everything has come together to me finding myself here.
I know most of my readers are believers and since I started this blog as a very dedicated Christian, I realize that is my audience. However, wouldn't want anyone to follow along for weeks or months just to find out that this is going in a direction that wasn't expected. I would feel terrible if I caused anyone else to doubt their faith, so if you think that may happen, please stop reading.
I appreciate all of you that read and comment so much and I hope you will continue to read, but I totally understand if you don't want to.
I don't wish to debate anyone about any topic. I just want to tell my story and I hope someone will find it helpful in some way. I will continue on even if it is just for me.
Much Love,
Alice
Next Part
It is your story, and as long as you tell it openly and honestly that is all that readers should expect. When I first started blogging I was a...searching Christian. Now I am an atheist. Those who have read me for years have been along for the ride. Some of them got out of the car at various stops because they could no longer accept what I was becoming. And that is OK. I am glad they road along as far as they did.
ReplyDeleteFar above subject matter, I enjoy a writer who is open and honest.
Bruce
Thank you, Bruce. Honesty at this point is so refreshing and yet so terrifying.
DeleteI feel like I can be honest for the first time in a long time.
Oh my goodness, so this s about your loss of faith? I have always viewed you as a very committed Christian, but of course we all change and life can change us as well.
ReplyDeleteI was a very committed Christian, Ginny. I was totally unprepared for the turns that my life took to bring me to this point.
DeleteThat is ok, appreciate your honesty.
ReplyDeleteThank you Denise.
DeleteThanks. I like you as person :-) You are precious.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jedidja, I like you too:)
DeleteLook forward to reading more Alice. Been out of commission lately but hope to catch up with your previous posts.
ReplyDeleteRead something a few months ago where the author said something like - I stopped trying to defend Christianity. I quit trying to be a Christian. I simply decided to follow the example of Jesus.
Hard to go wrong when we simply love people and have compassion on them.
Hard to go wrong when we simply love people and have compassion on them.
DeleteI agree, Bob.
Oh I just now read your comment Bob but that is exactly how I feel.
DeleteHI Alice, a part of me is sitting here in a bit of shock and yes I have to admit a bit sad. But I so appreciate you writing this today. I have read your blog for a while now and I have always appreciated your honesty, your humor, and the way you capture your world through the lens. This is your journey Alice...your life and you have to choose your path. ...everyone does. I wish you love and peace as you write on about your journey. I will be here to read it.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Joanne
Thank you Joanne. I have always enjoyed your blog, too. I appreciate your understanding.
DeleteHey Alice! Glad I read your blog- it's been a while. I haven't been blogging/reading blogs lately because I've been so busy!
ReplyDeleteI have been reading about your journey, and I must say I can relate to much of it and see where you are coming from. The Christian church is whacked out for sure. I especially understand your thoughts about hell. How could God allow his created ones to be tormented...eternally...forever and ever? And who in the world would want to worship a GOD like that? Not me, NO WAY! However, I do not believe the bible teaches that. I believe you could get that idea from reading the bible- but I think people get lots of ideas from reading the bible, then they run with them, write commentary's and the thought that was pulled from scripture becomes fact. Confusing, twisted, sickening. We should get together sometime and chat- I think you might find the way I have come to understand Jesus and the necessity for him to be interesting, at the very least.
I have to say that what you wrote about hell and the honesty of your thoughts a couple of years ago made an impact on me. I couldn't believe someone would question it, don't you read the bible?!:)
DeleteI would be interested in hearing your thoughts sometime.
I agree with Sarah. Not sure why but I think that folks have allowed words like hell and wrath to define God in their minds. It is not the image of God that we see in Jesus. So the issue is (for me anyways) do I let Jesus define God for me or someone/something else.
DeleteI pretty much knew this from our e-mails and from the way you were going. Totally totally totally understand where you are coming from. Doubts have come my way FOR SURE. And the church has been a stumbling block for me more times than I can count. The one thing I come back to is Jesus. I just can't get away from him. People mess things up. They do things wrong. They are mean - they are nasty and they disappoint.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you my friend. I think this is a journey you must go on. But no matter what He does love you. I know you are deep thinker. And so much of today's Christianity does not make sense. I appreciate your truth here. I will read more of your journey.
I think we all need to understand one another as best we can. You know you can call me anytime.
Whew! I'm glad I didn't totally shock you:)
DeleteThanks Gretchen. It has been a long and winding road. I want to say that no one in the church (either one) has turned me off of God. I wasn't raised in religion, so being a convert may give me a bit of a different perspective. Thank you so much for your support.
Thanks for being honest, Alice. I'm praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Persis. I appreciate that.
DeleteAm, I want to continue to read your story. We all have our stories and I truly believe that Jesus will not let us go. You have been such a good and fun bloggy friend and I want that to continue. I love your cloud pictures and I find myself looking at clouds more and studying them.
ReplyDeleteAwww, you remember my clouds:) Thanks for being such a fun and smart bloggy friend yourself.
DeleteHi Ma,
ReplyDeleteI was kind of figuring that something was happening in your belief. Thank you for caring for those who may have trouble with what you have to say and for warning those who faith may be weak. That is very kind of you. Just but this act I believe the Holy Spirit is working on your heart.
I'm praying for you Ma. If you want to chat please feel free to email me and if you have gmail we can google chat. You can find my email on my blog.
Blessings,
<><
Thank you:)
DeleteI haven't been blogging or reading blogs much this year. Today's post took me by surprise so I came over to look at your list of previous topics. Time is late now but I hope to get back to read the whole series to see what is happening with you. A few have said look to Jesus rather than the "Church" so I am guessing you have struggled with church/ people. Jesus is the only one who is ever faithful and true. This is our one certainty in a very turbulent life. I'll be back. x
ReplyDeleteI can sense a deeper understanding in your search than anything you can put into words or categorize. What you are rejecting is simplicity and box-like thinking. You've freed yourself from the box! Welcome to the bigger reality.
ReplyDeleteHi Bdawd!
ReplyDeleteIt's so nice to know we're not alone on this path. I am so glad you found me:) For the most part, I only use the blog as means of conversation. I am pretty good about keeping up with comments and enjoy the input and questions from readers. I will not be back on here until tomorrow though. (I got a job:)
Dang. I'm just now seeing, "A Note to My Readers".
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, I can totally appreciate the "heads up" that you give your Christian readership, albeit, you probably know as well as I do that, in all likelihood, no one navigated away at the point you say, "please stop reading", believer, or not. Notwithstanding, the gesture was nice and it shows that you are compassionate and don't want to hurt feelings.
This might sound odd, but in some ways, I wish that someone had hurt my feelings sooner, since I had spent roughly 2/3rds of my life attempting to squelch doubts(many of which I had as early as 9 yrs-old) and attempting to make sense of the nonsensical aspects of the Bible and Christianity. IOW, a huge amount of time... wasted. It was such a freeing and exhilarating feeling to finely come to learn that there were other people just like me, and that "hell" is a man-made construct not to be feared, and that no one is listening in on my every thought.
BTW, at least one of your Xian readership, I notice, says that she can relate to your thoughts on "hell"(thoughts that I agree with), in that you(we) are being reasonable to at least question the idea that an all-loving "God" would torment our fellow human beings 24/7 for all of eternity. But then, "whammo", she goes on to say that she doesn't believe the doctrine of "hell" is biblically supported, despite confessing that one could read the Bible and conclude that "hell" exists. I'm sorry, but whaaa...? Jesus, if he actually existed, spoke of no other topic more than that of what would happen to those who reject him..i.e..."hell".
It really is just astonishing to me to see how believers try to square-up the actual face-value contents of their bibles with their own views on the way they think things should be(or should not be).
I don't know about you, but I'm glad that I don't have to do that anymore. Phew!
I had a few who pretty much stopped reading. I think they may have thought this was some sort of testimony and I really didn't want to lead anyone on. In my Christian days, I certainly would have want to have been warned if I was going to be reading something that may cause me to think other that I was thinking. I was really really careful about that. Causing someone to question their faith was never my intent here, I just needed to explain, you know?
DeleteMy husband has said (as has countless others) that one can make the Bible say whatever one wants it to say. As true as that is, it is hard to understand why we all think our interpretation is the correct one.
Causing someone to question their faith was never my intent here[.....]
ReplyDeleteNo worries---I totally believe you.
I just needed to explain, you know?
Yeah, I get it----you were being open 'n honest with your audience, throwin' straight balls at 'em, but you were fixin' to throw a serious curve ball :)
My husband has said (as has countless others) that one can make the Bible say whatever one wants it to say.
Ka-chingggg. And isn't it curious how each believer's opinion aligns perfectly with that of God, but yet, believers fall on completely opposite sides of the fence when it comes to the important social issues of the day..e.g..abortion, war, capital punishment, etc. If I didn't know any better, I'd say believers have formulated their respective opinions on these matters before they ever even crack open a Bible.