In Romans chapter twelve Paul gives the church some instructions, in that list is:
Helping the saints? No problem. Given to hospitality...well, that depends... what does hospitality mean?
Uh oh.
You've got problems lady (is what I have been saying to myself).
And there's this in the letter to the Hebrews:
Who doesn't want to entertain angles? Apparently me, maybe, but how would I know?
You see I really, really struggle with this. I am a major homebody and on top of that, I certainly don't want any BODY else in my home (not established friends or family you see, but strangers). Apparently, the rest of the world didn't get the memo, and I've got kids who live nearby coming over wanting to befriend my kids...and I don't like it.
Honestly, that is how I feel.
In trying to get other people to agree with me that I am completely right in this, I'm not getting the overwhelming support I want. I wascomplaining about discussing this with someone for whom I have great respect yesterday and she didn't tell me what I wanted to hear.
I get it, I have the problem, not them. Sigh. Ouch and Sigh.
And it's not that I don't want the kids to have friends, I just want to be in control of everything. Is that too much to ask? (waiting for validation).
So, I am seriously considering that I may have been wrong here.
There's a saying that it is easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world. (I think it was Stuart Smalley who said that). So here's to putting on those slippers.
I want to trust God in this and obey and be hospitable.
Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.
Helping the saints? No problem. Given to hospitality...well, that depends... what does hospitality mean?
philoxenia (source)
1) love to strangers, hospitality
Uh oh.
You've got problems lady (is what I have been saying to myself).
And there's this in the letter to the Hebrews:
Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.
Who doesn't want to entertain angles? Apparently me, maybe, but how would I know?
You see I really, really struggle with this. I am a major homebody and on top of that, I certainly don't want any BODY else in my home (not established friends or family you see, but strangers). Apparently, the rest of the world didn't get the memo, and I've got kids who live nearby coming over wanting to befriend my kids...and I don't like it.
Honestly, that is how I feel.
In trying to get other people to agree with me that I am completely right in this, I'm not getting the overwhelming support I want. I was
I get it, I have the problem, not them. Sigh. Ouch and Sigh.
 |
| You all just stay over there. |
And it's not that I don't want the kids to have friends, I just want to be in control of everything. Is that too much to ask? (waiting for validation).
So, I am seriously considering that I may have been wrong here.
There's a saying that it is easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world. (I think it was Stuart Smalley who said that). So here's to putting on those slippers.
I want to trust God in this and obey and be hospitable.
Love ye therefore the stranger: for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.
So, when can I come over? And bring my friends too? LOL!
ReplyDeleteI too am a homebody and totally shy away from entertaining. But God has brought me a long way in my carpeted slippers! And to see just how far, I once invited 20 people to my home, including total strangers we have just met across the backyard fence! (Did I blog about it? I meant to.)
Luckily someone brought their baby and I was able to steal it away as a cover to hide behind, and when that baby went cranky, I returned it and grabbed our chihuahua. Besides, I kept busy in a Martha kind of way, without complaining (because aside from Jesus, who really does have anything to say)? And, Ma,I survived!
Will I do it again any time soon? Not! But, I am willing to grown and to learn. However, I can't help to think that we are all different for a reason. He made some entertainers and others... No?
You could come anytime Petra;)
DeleteIt's not so much the entertaining, it's just the whole neighborhood "thing" that I didn't grow up with. We never ever had people come over out of the blue (since we lived out in no-man's land). So play dates (we didn't call them that back then) were very scheduled.
I can imagine your party would have been very nice:)
I hear ya on the controlling part, Ma...I think I suffer from the same disorder...
ReplyDeleteMy youngest had trouble for a while (she's moved since then) living on a street where several neighborhood kids would come and go into her house and garage while she was still at work. They would help themselves to all the sodas they wanted...and made a mess in the house, as well as other bad habits they were then accustoming her boys with (bad potty mouths, pranks, etc).
Granted you live out in the country (this was a city neighborhood, and not a very good one), and you are at home (my daughter was at work part of the time when these children would come over) so there are lots of differences there...but she did have to lay some very strict rules down.
I don't see a problem with visitors as long as there are being boundaries. Is that being a control freak?
I have heard horror stories like that in some neighborhoods. Of course that is completely unacceptable. I feel that in my case(s) it is a lack of consideration (now I'm being judgmental- I don't mean to be) but you know what I mean. Maybe I don't want other kids over here every day (and it most certainly would be every day and in the summers all day every day if'n I didn't put down some rules).
DeleteWe do have a regular neighbor who has been hanging out here for a couple of years. He also had some mouth issues, my hubby took him aside and explained the rules and he has been very respectful about it since. I really am glad that he is in our lives, although I think too much sometimes...ha!
But now it's new kids and I doubt that it will stop at that.
I don't really want to be the neighborhood hang-out.
We don't live in the country, though this used to be the country. We are on about an acre and a half with a field on one side and houses on the other. It's the subdivisions that are surrounding us that are bringing the kiddos.
But admittedly, my attitude STINKS on this issue.
I'm going to make a few suggestions which, if followed, wouldn't require you to challenge your natural opposition to hospitality too much. And I don't think that there is anything sneaky about my suggestions.
ReplyDeleteFirst, let's ask what the Bible means by "hospitality". I think that Scripture definitely teaches that if strangers (or family or friends) come to your door in need of food, clothing, or shelter, then you should help them. In doing so, you may help angels, just as Abraham did. But there probably aren't too many people to your door in need of these things.
Are there any other needs of strangers (or family or friends) that Scripture asks us to meet? Are there any other ways in which Scripture asks us to be hospitable? I think so. I think that Scripture asks us to love others, to support them emotionally, to be friendly toward them, and to promote an atmosphere of warmth, love, and peace everywhere we go.
I think that there are many passages where this can be found, but some of my favorites are 1 Thessalonians 5:14-22, Colossians 3: 12-17, Philippians 4:1-9, all of Philemon, Titus 3:1-3, 1 John 4:7-12, and 1 Peter 4:7-9. Some of these passages admittedly speak merely of loving others, but these same passages command us to love one another intensely and well, and I think that this certainly involves concern for one another's emotional well being and mental health, and that such love also seeks to promote an atmosphere of peace and love everywhere it can. (How can we love one another intensely and well if we are only concerned to provide one another with the absolute basics?) When Peter speaks of 'hospitality' in 1 Peter 4:9, I think that he has this richer sense of hospitality in mind - not just taking care of the basic needs of others, like food, clothing, and shelter, but promoting the well being and flourising of others in every way we can. And I think that Jesus calls all of us to practice hospitality in just this sense.
Understood this way, 'hospitality' is a part of love - it involves being sensitive to all the real needs of others, not just the basic ones, and trying to meet those needs while promoting love, peace, and well being whereever we go. The point is that you don't need to invite people into your home to practice Christian hospitality. You can invite them out to coffee, or to lunch. Or you can invite yourself to their homes. Or can you simply talk with them after church.
Christian hospitality requires us to do this - to be willing to really get to know other people, to hear them, to weep with them and rejoice with them, to help shoulder their burdens and to help them celebrate the wonderful moments of life. In short, it is really to care for them and to love them, in the context of real human interaction and real human relationships. And you don't need to be good at hosting to do that. No - there is a big difference between hospitality and hosting.
I hope that's helpful. Sorry for rambling.
Thanks so much for your reply Leslie and I understand what you are saying. In this case, it's mainly neighborhood kids I'm having trouble with. I feel like it is bad manners for one to invite themselves over, especially if you don't know them at all- and we have had this happen. I tend to internalize these things and instead of keeping the lines of communication open with the kids and parents, I just get huffy and such.
DeleteNot a good quality.
I know there has got to be a better way of handling these things.
I am no good at confrontations at all, so I just avoid the parents, assume they have no consideration or care what their kids are doing and it just gets worse from there (murmuring/ grumbling and such on my part).
It hit me the other night, how people could look from the outside in on my life-not have all the facts- and judge away.
Conviction city!
LOOOOONG story short. We had a little girl who lived a few doors down several years ago who was here all....the...time. She was only about five or so. She would stick her face in our front window at all hours of the day. She would show up in the mornings, ask to eat our food, etc. What bothered me was she seemed to be having absolutely no parental supervision at all.
I wasn't very nice to her. I let her play, but as far as being a light, that I wasn't. I could have said "these are the rules, you can be here at this and that time and such" but I didn't I just got bitter. A few years later their house was foreclosed on and her parents divorced. It all hit me that her family was going through some terrible times the whole time she was living near us.
I didn't have to take responsibility for her, but I didn't have to be so cold either.
My heart was not right.
It's still not right.
Awww, God is good, though, He put her on your heart or you wouldn't be concerned about this. I'm sure He hears your prayers regarding all of this, including prayers that the little girl will be watched over by Jesus, and hopefully be brought to Himself...so sad that she was so young (FIVE!!???) and be allowed to wander off like that, very dangerous these days. And hopefully she did see enough of how your family lived to see Jesus there (in spite of what you think about yourself, Jesus has a way of overriding our flesh when we least see it).
DeleteI'm joining with you to pray for a good outcome for that little one...several years ago, might be a teen by now, will definitely be needing prayer, eh? I certainly did need it, I had a praying grandmother :)
I understand. I don't think that you acted badly toward the girl, but you could certainly say some prayers for her. And I don't think that you should feel unhospitable just for not wanting neighborhood kids to show up at your house uninvited, or to treat it like a playhouse. These kids need discipline!
DeleteJesus has a way of overriding our flesh when we least see it
DeleteI love that Susan, and I hope so. She did come back here and spend the night a couple of years ago, they moved just a few miles from here, but we really don't keep in touch too much. I should make an effort to pray for her, and her whole family
more often.
Leslie,
I agree they do need discipline. I feel resentful sometimes that it seems like I have to set the boundaries that I think should be set by their own parents.
I do know that many moms aren't there all day as I am, so they don't often know everything that is going on.
I am very blessed and I shouldn't complain so much!
Hi Ma,
ReplyDeleteFirst, nice blog header and background, very pretty! :)
Next, I am with you on this one. I too don't want the neighbours kids around mine, or any kids for that matter because I want to instil God's law into my kids and don't want any of this outside interference, the evil world that others bring in. My family follows the Bible pretty closely and in these end times, there is so much vile out there that even kids from our youth group have too much freedom with the music, movies and books they are allowed to read. I know this from experience of allowing a young lady to become a close friend to my daughter. My daughter was very pure in choices and after hanging out this with 'Christian' girl friend she started to develop very bad habits that I and my husband had to squash which ended up with issues that are still being dealt with.
You are wise to be careful about who hangs out in your home. Yes it is good to open the door to strangers, but you really need to make sure you are under prayer covering. I kind of think of Noah and his family. How did they live during the time of building of the ark. Did Noah and his wife limit who the kids hung out with? After all there was evil abound. These are some questions I have for God.
My daughter is now in a secular university and the morals and friend choosing we instilled into her are holding fast. She is keeping God front and centre and those she befriends know this about her. My son, on the other hand, is still at home being schooled and I see that there is a lot of work needed to be done in his life before I unleash him into the world. ;P
Blessings,
<><
Thanks Child of God. I can see your side, too. And we DO worry about this kind of stuff as well.
DeleteWith our one regular neighbor, we have invested some time in getting to know him, letting him know what is and is not acceptable here and he has been very respectful of that I have to say. We even take him to church with us once in while. He is kind of a part of the family in a way, but he would be here much more than he is if I didn't put down some rules.
It's just that I don't really want to invest the time to get to know new kids...is that awful!? I like my little rut and don't want it rocked. I certainly would ban certain friend if it were obvious that they were a negative influence, but to be honest, I haven't taken the time to get to know them and just assume that I don't wanna.
It is a great testimony to God's faithfulness that your daughter is taking with her the things that she has learned. Unleashing them into the world will be very scary when the time comes.
Blessings to you too:)
It says to love them and to be hospitable, it doesn't say EXACTLY to let them in your house! I know this sounds crazy, but we can be very kind to strangers, pray for them, etc. But not let them in...times are so different from then. We have so much crime and drug users. we need to be very cautious. And I really think God understands, we have complete grace on this one. Just my opinion!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ginny for that, I know that is a concern. I don't really see that as a problem in my situation at present, but we DO have to use our heads as well I understand.
DeleteAnd Grace never fails! I know He is working on my heart on this, though. I need to break down some walls.
Yeah, those verses are definitely threatening. I love your honesty!
ReplyDeleteHi DebbieLynne
DeleteThanks, I have to be honest with myself on this. I'm hoping for some new graces to be more loving to strangers.
Hi Ma,
ReplyDeleteWe had an invitation policy for drinks (in S Florida kids are plenty thirsty!) or eating with us that meant that playmates had to go home for drinks, meals, or snacks unless asked by us. We always told them they needed to keep in touch with or check on their own homes and then come back if they could or not if play time was ended for the day.
Living in close quarters with a gaggle of children with various parents and custodians different sets of living styles makes it necessary to draw your boundaries.
You can pretty much tell when someone really needs your hospitality by their demeanor or actions and when they just want to while away their free time at your place because they find it comfortable. Need and comfort are different things. If there's no need then just send them packing the moment you feel like it. You don't have to have any other reason other than that.
You aren't a Holiday Inn, you know?
And you can't heal those families who break up by being a hangout for their children.
Being a safe house and giving hospitality is different from giving your home over to the use of people for their or their children's convenience. That might even be interfering with their parenting and familial relationships if they preferred your home and property to their own.
Here is a link;
http://www.passionatehomemaking.com/2011/04/defining-hospitality-strangers-welcoming-strangers.html
I think this young woman has it right, " hospitality is meant primarily for those who are most estranged, and least welcomed,"
Great thoughts muse:)
DeleteIf there's no need then just send them packing the moment you feel like it. You don't have to have any other reason other than that.
You sound just like my hubby:)
Being a safe house and giving hospitality is different from giving your home over to the use of people for their or their children's convenience. That might even be interfering with their parenting and familial relationships if they preferred your home and property to their own.
That has crossed my mind as well.
Thanks for the link, I'll check it out:)
I usually take the stance that it is better to have them over here, where we can see and hear what goes on than vice versa. Kids need and want friendships. I could be a great opportunity to show Christ's love and plant seeds in young hearts and minds. I agree, we don't necessarily have to have kids in the house but back yards are good open areas.
ReplyDeleteI love children so this has not be a great worry to me, except when I have had to send a neighbour's child home for some reason. What I do find hard is inviting people over on the spur of the moment. I am just not prepared. My hubby loves to do that and always says that people come to visit us and not taste our food and check out the housekeeping. But....but......but.......
Hi Ruby,
DeleteThe housekeeping! I know;)
And I agree that a backyard policy is good. We do have one that is "grandfathered" in as far as house privileges, but I do need to put my foot down with others. They tend to wanna just "hang" out, which is fine for a while, but this house is pretty full as it is!
I would much rather have my kids here, than running around,
Totally recognizable! Finally, someone who is like me. I worry sometimes about that I'm not so hospitable. But you may come to visit me;-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Jedidja:)
DeleteThis is an excellent topic, Ma. I see lots of discussions on the 'Net, and few of them are able to make me as uncomfortable and conflicted as this one does. Trying to sort this out makes my skin feel crawly and my guts feel wobbly.
ReplyDeleteWe might say that, in a sense, matters of doctrine, politics and so forth are mere child's play when compared to the more-puzzling riddles of our children's play.
Thank God I'm not a parent!...yet.
Anyway, good topic. And God help you, dear sister! :-)
Crawly skin, wobbly gut...good descriptions!
DeleteIt's amazing how much you don't see coming when you start having children.
Thanks so much for your support:)
I love how you quote the Bible and Stuart Smalley in the same post. But I have to agree that while I LOVE having people over. I love having the same people over and to have other people over who I am less comfortable with makes me well, uncomfortable. I need to work on this too.
ReplyDeleteI love how you quote the Bible and Stuart Smalley in the same post
DeleteThanks Gretchen:P I was really thinking about the slippers thing, since this whole thing makes me so uncomfortable. I'm not a big entertainer, but our house isn't really "entertainment" ready.
I think everything in Scripture has to be interpreted in the light of the rest of Scripture and often there needs to be a proper balance.
ReplyDeleteFor instance 2 John 1:10 forbids some people from entry into our homes: "If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your house" (people bringing false teachings)
And then there's the principle of not wearing out one's welcome:
"Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you." Proverbs 25:17
And..
I Cor. 15:33 "Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
As mothers it's our duty to guard our children against relationships that may cause them to be influenced by the devil.
On the other hand, yes we are also to show hospitality and that provides a great opportunity to teach our kids to think Biblically about their relationships and giving of themselves to others for the sake of the Gospel.
Balance and discernment is the key, I think.
"Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you." Proverbs 25:17
DeleteI have joked about getting that verse cross-stitched on a pillow! :P
I agree that I need to just not let them hang out with anyone. It is that I feel all creepy crawly and wobbly (see aztexan's comment) when I see a new kid approaching.
I need something in my heart to change that I see all people as fellow humans and not just annoyances. Then after that, I can discern whether or not this person is someone that needs to be a part of our lives.
I like what you said about balance. I tend to swing from one extreme to the other.
This post and the comments discussion reminds me of this article:
ReplyDeletehttp://mudpreacher.org/2009/01/19/authority-honor-and-rewards-in-the-age-of-snark/
It's all Eddie Haskell's fault, lol, he (the author of that piece) might be on to something with that observation! Eddie is the neighbor kid that brings a bad name to neighbor kids (and reminds me of one boy that hung around my daughter's home, before she moved).
Hope you have a very blessed day, Ma :)
That IS a good observation. I never really thought of it that way. Of course, whatever "Leave it to Beaver's" I saw were 20 years after the fact when Eddie seemed like a model citizen:P
DeleteI hope your day is going well, too <3
In this day and age it is soooo hard for me to do this.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Joanne