Acts of Mercy

This term came up quite a bit in Catholic literature back in the day.   I am starting to see a pattern of religion (or school or government or whatever) taking something and destroying the heart and soul of it.

Well, what must I do, I would ask myself and God and then search for instructions from the 

Church.


It's pretty easy, be a decent person.


Sheep and goats, walk the walk or get out.


So lately, as I've mentioned before, I'm finding that the things that I was supposed to be doing as a Christian, I do now, but the motives are much more...organic, real, from within.


I can even show mercy for those I don't particularly care for, or at least for those who have screwed me over time and again. I'm not saying this to announce my virtues or whatever one would like to call it, but to say what I think we've all always known, we have the power all along to be better people.

I think there is a part of all of  us that strives to be and do more, to transcend the ugliness and mundane of this world and try to bring joy or relief where it is needed even if it's only for this life and only for a moment.


And to have this without fear of everlasting punishment and without the promise of some otherworldly glory after this life is .......?



I don't know what. 

The Test?

I'm sure I can't be the first person, but I've been wondering lately if maybe...


Our inner voice, intuition, snuffed out by thou shall and thou shalt not becomes tired, exhausted, heartbroken. I know for me it did. Why was it that the Bible was so contradictory, barbaric, nonsensical in parts and in others sounded just like things that resonated with my soul? How does one pick and choose what God is really saying?



(I will not be posting scripture here because for every thing I present, the opposite can surely be presented. Anyone who knows the Bible, knows these things.)


I know it has taken me years to come to the conclusion that many liberal/progressive believers in the Judaeo-Christian God have come to and that it that you absolutely cannot take the Bible at face value. I tried. I tried because it took it so very very seriously. It took me not believing to see that it is not an instruction manual. It is the thoughts and writings of many people. It is not penned by the very hand of the Almighty. It very well may be a huge hindrance in the wrong hands. What we are individually comes from the inside.


Morality can not be dictated, I believe. It can be enforced, I suppose, but then again, one people's idea of morality and another's can be very different.  Do we stone the adulterer? Do we shun the heretic? Do we wipe out all of our enemies? OR

Do we turn the other cheek, show mercy rather than justice, give generously, break "the law" (either civil or religious) for the greater good?


What does your spirit say to you?




Unquestioning blind obedience, following the crowd, doing what your priest or pastor says is not where it is at for me. It never was, but I suppressed the inner voice time and time again for fear of retribution in this life and the next. You cannot love if you are full of fear. It does not work.


A week or so ago, I had a thought that maybe this is all a big test. God (I'm speaking hypothetically here since I do not know if such a thing is) would be very clever I would think. Those who would follow their heart, their humanity, their morality above what any book, sermon or organization teaches would be one who is unafraid of doing what it right no matter what anyone else says. Maybe that's why all the grey, the inconsistency, the confusion. One must look within, there is no where else to go.


And when one does that, nothing in the world can be more clear.



Maybe, God's test is to love no matter what. Not "speaking the truth in love", love, but actual love.  Those who have it without fear may be the sheep and those who follow the crowd for fear of punishment are the goats.

The Yearly Manager Exodus

It seems like this happens once a year. We find ourselves with a whole new team of managers. It was last year at this time that we got a new owner at our store and now all of our other managers have gone away. Sadly, this means having to start ALL OVER AGAIN every year with the set-ish schedules we veterans of the restaurant have, protecting our turf as in sections and shifts and just having to learn how a whole new group of people work.


I've always been able to get along with just about everyone, with our newest owner being an exception. He came in last year with both barrels blazing, unapologetic-ally just pissing everyone off.  Quite a few people quit. Since then, he has really toned it down and may turn out to be one of the best managers we've had so far (if he stays), but it really took a very long time for him to "fit in" here.


So, I met new manager 1 of 3 last night. He seems okay. What I'm most worried about is my schedule at this point, due to my now carrying the health insurance for our family. If I don't average enough hours, I won't be eligible next year and so far, I have everything delicately balanced. I'm usually not one to demand certain things, but being there for over 4 years and seeing how those who demand get, it makes me wonder if I should change my approach should things not go my way. Although, it's really not my style, we'll see.


I would never do it, though, go into management. I did manage in the restaurant I worked in several years ago before the kids and it was not my thing. They have to deal with all this:

I just hope I can CHILL out and keep things they way they have been. 

Happy Spring

I miss my almost daily blogging, but it seems like I have nothing to say. I have thought of lots of ideas lately, but nothing is really taking off.



Unfortunately, after my stepfather died, I joined facebook as a way to stay in the loop with my mom and sister and extended family, but in the couple of days that followed, many friend requests from work came in and now I find myself sucked into the constant facebook thing, which sucks in a way. It really is a big time burglar. 




But I like who I am becoming, or returning to, who we as a family are becoming. I'd like to talk about that more here in the most private-public forum I have left. 







Easter was pretty uninteresting this year. We went to the extended hubby's family and as I see all the babies being born remember where I was a few years ago. So much obligation, guilt, thankfulness, hope, despair, duty, trusting in the Master Plan for my and my family's ultimate end.



Joe and I are really wanting to get back to our roots, to US, before God and Jesus took over and made us into what we were supposed to be for a long time. We had a nice talk the other day and something I said surprised me. I said I was glad to have believed and then not believed. I have seen it both ways and I don't think everyone gets that chance (is chance the right word?). But in that moment I was overwhelmingly grateful.



The Easter Story makes less and less sense as the years go by, but the idea behind everything being born anew every year is nice.  As I battle old demons and welcome new angels I have hope.

Beans: Five Years Later

As I am cooking up a large batch of black beans today, I recalled how much I HATED beans just five years ago.  I even did a series here about how I planned to use up all the stockpile we had at the time.

Now, I eat beans all the time. Since I stopped eating meat, it seems I've gained my taste for beans.


Things change.

I'll freeze these in about 2 cup portions and use them for taco filling, salads, maybe bean burgers, etc. Two of my kiddos are trying to go veg (their idea) too, and have been willing to experiment with their own favorites.

I find that black beans are my favorite, but recently had some house made vegan sausage at a local pizza place and learned that is was made from oats and pinto beans. I'm definitely interested in trying something like that out, it was very good.


I don't post much about my new love for vegetarian cooking here, but I do on my Instagram (as well as other things) so follow me there if that kind of thing sounds interesting.


I'm doing more posting there than anywhere at this time.