You let yourself be frozen by a doubt
You think I'm mean 'cause I call you out
You don't know what you're about
The worst part's almost over now
The worst part's almost over now, now, NOW
Elliott Smith- Almost Over
It was about noonish on a very hot summer day on the East Side of Indianapolis. I had about an hour to kill needed to eat (drink) something. I think about the bars on this side of town and peruse their menus like I am wont to do.
I choose a spot that I have been to a time or two. Being a vegetarian (aspiring vegan) the choices of food in this very urban area are few, but I see they have breadsticks and that's fine.
It's sustenance, not the liquid kind, so I decide to have lunch and a drink.
Or two.
The bartender is a young lady, very nice and professional. The Tanqueray on the rocks are scant, but I understand, being a bartender myself. It doesn't matter, I have plenty of my own at my disposal.
I just need to sit and be alone.
I need to think
I need to get my shit together
I need to figure out what's going on
What in the hell is wrong with me?
Maybe it's the job, the constant rat race, the stagnant life, the pressure of so many kids growing up so fast, the constant weight of regret, failure, exhaustion.
I sit and read my book and eat and drink and realizing I need to go, pay and wander out on that hazy, thick midwestern summer afternoon.
It all went downhill about a year ago, I suppose. Trying to pinpoint where is the goal.
You think I'm mean 'cause I call you out
You don't know what you're about
The worst part's almost over now
The worst part's almost over now, now, NOW
Elliott Smith- Almost Over
It was about noonish on a very hot summer day on the East Side of Indianapolis. I had about an hour to kill needed to eat (drink) something. I think about the bars on this side of town and peruse their menus like I am wont to do.
I choose a spot that I have been to a time or two. Being a vegetarian (aspiring vegan) the choices of food in this very urban area are few, but I see they have breadsticks and that's fine.
It's sustenance, not the liquid kind, so I decide to have lunch and a drink.
Or two.
The bartender is a young lady, very nice and professional. The Tanqueray on the rocks are scant, but I understand, being a bartender myself. It doesn't matter, I have plenty of my own at my disposal.
I just need to sit and be alone.
I need to think
I need to get my shit together
I need to figure out what's going on
What in the hell is wrong with me?
Maybe it's the job, the constant rat race, the stagnant life, the pressure of so many kids growing up so fast, the constant weight of regret, failure, exhaustion.
I sit and read my book and eat and drink and realizing I need to go, pay and wander out on that hazy, thick midwestern summer afternoon.
It all went downhill about a year ago, I suppose. Trying to pinpoint where is the goal.
I trust you are working again?
ReplyDeleteI also hope this entry was primarily related to a "bad day" (which we all have) and you aren't having any second thoughts about the "escape" action you took some time back.
In any case, I think a drink and snack is something we all need from time to time. :-)
There's something about being at a particular point in life that I think just... well, sucks, to be honest. Like, everybody I know who's in their forties right now is just kind of overwhelmed. Jobs and kids aren't just difficult, they're unrelenting - and it seems like a lot of the choices and opportunities that we had when we were younger have dried up or disappeared. Plus, if you're not getting some social outlet and validation, well... that's something we all need, too, and it's something that gets harder when we're busier.
ReplyDelete...All of which is a long walk to say "I'm sorry you're feeling that way and you absolutely have my sympathies", but I'm sorry you're feeling that way and you absolutely have my sympathies.
Thank you Michael
ReplyDelete