Desired Things

I was doing some cleaning last week and found this under the bed. I remember taking it down and stashing it years ago due to the "new ageiness" of it. At the time that was a big no-no. It's a poem written in 1927 apparently and was hanging in this house when we moved in 22 years ago. I enjoyed it for sometime until I became ultra fundamental and, well, if you read it, it is pretty tolerant, loving and all inclusive.


Reading it again and hanging it back up makes me happy.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

“

”

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

Loving People Where They Are

Lately I am reflecting on my morals, my philosophy, what kind of person I strive to be. Since l don't have a otherworldly motive to "be good" some would suppose I would descend into the gaping maw of hellish sinfulness.  I've found quite the opposite to be true, though.

I feel like I'm pretty much the same person as I was, as I always was. 


Things are okay right now. I say okay because they are not bad, but they are not great. I guess everyone could say the same. I'm not talking about things in the political or news world (don't really care about any of that) but in my own corner of the world. Some days I feel like I have it all and others I am quite discouraged and depressed. The reasons for such discouragement are many, deep and not easily identified. Things aren't always what they seem and certainly not always what one hoped they would be.


In all that, I'm trying, as a personal challenge, to just love people in my life they way they are without expectation or motive. I'm trying to banish all gossip and negative talk. I'm trying to look at where I may be hypocritical, mean, selfish, or unloving , and stopping that, and also forgiving and loving myself.


I've begun a much gentler parenting style in the last few years and find that it has made me a different person in a good way. I look at them not as sinners who need to be saved, but as little people who need a role model, a friend, a guide.  I don't yell nearly as much, I don't sweat the small stuff. It's been a great letting go of power. They are all flourishing and discovering their own passions and talents and it is a great thing to see. Recently, my 12 year old expressed and interest in boxing. We found a place for lessons and this has become a very interesting new experience. My oldest son is now working for the computer repair place that he interned at a couple of years ago. He has a pretty large amount of responsibility and I'm proud of how he is handling himself.  My 14 year old loves all things outdoors and survival. He bird watches, looks at the sky with his telescope, takes care of the fish, and loves WoW. My 10 year old is building stuff all day long with scrap wood and dismantling and rebuilding. My 9 year old daughter is drawing, just like her big sis, and loves to play and pretend. She has such a good sense of humor.  My first born has flown the nest. It came kind of out of the blue, but not as a huge surprise. My husband and I handled it with grace, knowing that fighting against it would do no good. She's happy, she's safe. Her boyfriend is a great guy, has a job and works on cars on the side. They are young and in love. Weren't we all at some time?

That's where I am as of now. Loving life and yet not.


And I am the one who hated paradoxes.

Confession

It's been about four years now since I officially wrote off Christianity.  Not once did I say I didn't or could never believe in a God (that I can think of) just that the Bible and the religion I was in proved to me not to be true.


Four years.



It's been a sad and glad time as I find my way out of the fear that most of my life was during my faith.



But, like I've also said, I am not done searching for truth.



A few things have become forefront on my mind lately.


Fundamentalism killed me and turned me into a heresy hunter and gnat strainer.

Exclusivistic ideas shut out all other world views and voices. Some of those would have been helpful.

All the intellectual exercises I went through via sermons, teachings, Bible studies, may have been a waste of time. As one question was answered, another would pop up. It was a never ending quest for an answer that may not even be found.

I should have trusted my intuition more and cared less what others (including me) thought about it.


And maybe I took it all way too seriously.

I'm a Liar, a Deceiver, and I Have no Morals

It's as if someone hasn't read a single thing I've written and just posts links to sermons and prophecy websites to somehow prove a point.





Maybe the reason Susan Zyp  (yes, I can post your full name too) can't stop writing about (or at least villanizing) me, is because she's got her own doubts?

The Bigger Picture

Susan,


Re being fooled: I guess it never really hit me that you would feel fooled and I am sorry that my deconversion made such an impression on you. Everything I said, thought, wrote here was 100% from the heart at the time. Why is it so inconceivable that people change their minds? They change when evidence doesn't line up with what reality shows. That is not to say that this is the end of learning and growing, not at all.


In being so laser-focused on Christianity and especially on the Bible narrowed my view. Now that I've been able to zoom out, see that this is only one of many religions, all of which espouse truth, has opened my mind to other possibilities. Maybe we're all saying the same thing in different ways.


I've said here a few times that if I would have just stuck to what I had in the beginning, without trying to make it all make sense, I would probably still believe. Maybe all those years of trying to make it make sense were a waste of precious time.


I'm still not completely given up on Spirituality, In fact, I think in many ways the rise and fall of religion for me was a necessary journey.


Not sure what I mean by that, but I'll leave it for now.





I've been looking into many things and a recent trip to our local Hindu Temple has piqued my interest about this faith tradition.

 No, I'm not a Hindu now, I just find it interesting that for all those years, I completely ignored a huge belief that I knew nothing about. All those people who see God in a different way, with their own traditions, scriptures, visions, saints are part of humanity also. I am glad to be seeing a bigger picture.


Also, I do think in retrospect listening to and watching so many different teachings and preachers stunted my own growth as to me not trusting the still small voice inside me.



Peace