Beginner's Mind

I've spent the last couple of years unlearning. 



Unlearning is very challenging, because, let's face it, it's downright unsettling and sometimes very heartbreaking to find out what you believed was not true (at least not in the way you thought it was). I have been so grateful to all the resources and support that I've found online to help with this. It kept me sane during the midst of a pretty nasty mind-storm.



As the spring springs, I find that I'm ready, at least for now, to close that unlearning chapter. I feel as though I've explored enough of it to my own satisfaction and I'm ready to move on.


To where, I don't know, but I'm excited to put it to rest for the time being.

Transcendence

I always thought I'd make a good mystic. I'd be the "cool" old spiritual lady who could give good advice, a listening ear, a different take on the scriptures that would be just what someone needed to hear. I'd discuss the things of God over a bottle of wine and some Grateful Dead music.





It may be better to be kind than to be right, is something that is on the foremost of my mind lately.





Gloria stayed after her shift last week and had some drinks with her friends at the bar. After a few, she pulled me over and began telling the story about me coming clean with her about my not being a believer. It made an impression I guess, not that she shares my view, but that I was honest with her.




I'm feeling jumbled lately, but in a good way.



Like I've said before, I don't have any problem with an alternate reality, even though I have proven to myself that the claims of Christianity are not true, but the world is full of many things.




I feel like I want to hope again, not in religion, or God even as one would picture it, but in something.




I just don't know what that is.

German Church

We live very near this old church and I've written about it before. Whilst my daughter and I were out and about last Friday, we saw the beautiful old stained glass windows were boarded up.

A photo posted by 11aliceg95 (@11aliceg95) on May 11, 2015 at 11:16am PDT

I saw that efforts to keep it are organized on facebook.  I hate to see the building go away, it's kind of sad.

Attack of the Teens

I remember all too well what it was like (even when accused of having no idea what I'm talking about). The eye rolling, the temper tantrums, the never ending drama. Those of us who have come out the other side know these things are but for a few years and when the smoke clears, we can look back and see how crazy it all was.


I struggle with grace and love in this area because, quite frankly, I get very frustrated with the situation a lot of the time. The fact that I did homeschool and shelter has me playing the self- blame game a lot (with one), but the other thrives in this environment, so the individual is what drives the behavior and the motivation (or lack thereof) to some extent.


Tough love? Love love? Unconditional Love? (boy is that easier said than done). I think back to my teens and the turbulence, the horrific way I treated my parents and know now that it will/does change. It's just getting through the storm without turning on each other and causing more damage.


They all told me this was coming.


There are good conversations to be had, though. One is very interested in religion, philosophy, and politics and I can totally see my younger, more idealistic self in her.  When did we all get old and stop caring about what really matters, man?


My other teen has a million interests and found his musical talent last year. He is a huge Beatles fan (as are all the boys), but I also heard Cream and The Rolling Stones coming out of his guitar recently and I had to smile. He's got much of our musical tastes. All the boys have now picked up an instrument and they sound pretty darn good.


On a drive last week, my Beatles fan told me all about the Paul McCartney is dead theory after our neighbor told him about it. I already knew a lot of it, but after doing some research, I have to say, I'm pretty freaked out. It's cool that we can talk about these things.


I honestly think these next few years will be the hardest by far in my parenting career.

Flu

Hey everybody:)


It's been a couple of weeks since I've posted, it seems. Work, school, blah, blah. I also got a nice flu virus that knocked me out for about a week, that was fun.



I really, really hate being sick. It makes me MAD.




I don't know that I really need to do anymore failed prophecy posts for now. The point has been made to a certain degree I think. In my searching some things out, I found this testimony from a former member of Jews for Jesus, and what he said at the end made me smile:

"Looking back I have certain mixed feelings. I left in most ways with a sigh of relief. I could begin to think again. I could feel for the pain of others apart from the question where were they going to spend eternity in heaven or hell. I could experience the pain, but also the joy of making choices."

I'm not limited in my thoughts anymore and that I don't need to fear or avoid anyone or anything. There are choices now that fall squarely in my own lap- no God, no Plan, no Destiny. It's up to me. It's thrilling and terrifying, but that's life now. I don't think I would want it any other way.